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Author Topic: You might be a redneck if: Back to Topics
JCS319

Champion Author
Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Nov 6, 2009 10:27:51 PM

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
Joined:Dec 2005
Message Posted: Jul 31, 2014 3:02:24 AM

You've run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 31, 2014 2:54:51 AM

The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: Jul 29, 2014 3:03:47 AM

You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 29, 2014 2:59:54 AM

You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 27, 2014 3:44:39 AM

Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 26, 2014 3:18:55 AM

You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
Joined:Dec 2005
Message Posted: Jul 25, 2014 10:56:03 PM

You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
Joined:Dec 2005
Message Posted: Jul 24, 2014 4:56:50 PM

You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC's.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
Joined:Dec 2005
Message Posted: Jul 24, 2014 1:02:55 AM

You think Tang is in the fruit group.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: Jul 13, 2014 3:10:47 AM

City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 13, 2014 2:46:17 AM

Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: Jul 12, 2014 1:56:32 AM

Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.
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67SS396C
Champion Author Omaha

Posts:17,202
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Message Posted: Jul 10, 2014 3:10:01 AM

you have more than three dogs under your front porch
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 10, 2014 3:06:37 AM

Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 10, 2014 2:53:40 AM

Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 7, 2014 3:03:44 AM

The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills."
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 6, 2014 4:17:32 AM

The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 5, 2014 3:42:26 AM

Your pickup truck no longer has a back.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jul 4, 2014 3:23:31 AM

You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jul 3, 2014 4:48:45 AM

You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jul 2, 2014 12:30:37 AM

You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jun 20, 2014 3:27:31 AM

Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 20, 2014 2:35:20 AM

You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 17, 2014 3:02:29 AM

You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 17, 2014 2:56:39 AM

You own more than two clappers.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jun 15, 2014 3:35:46 AM

Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 15, 2014 1:28:15 AM

When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 13, 2014 11:06:02 PM

You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 13, 2014 1:26:50 AM

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jun 12, 2014 2:18:19 AM

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: Jun 10, 2014 1:42:10 AM

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: Jun 8, 2014 3:36:30 AM

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jun 7, 2014 4:03:01 AM

You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.
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gasmask78
Champion Author Virginia

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Message Posted: Jun 7, 2014 2:59:22 AM

you jump off your roof into a baby swimming pool
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 7, 2014 2:43:27 AM

You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jun 6, 2014 1:25:19 AM

Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jun 4, 2014 11:40:28 PM

Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: Jun 4, 2014 1:51:17 AM

You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: Jun 3, 2014 1:28:28 AM

You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

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Message Posted: Jun 2, 2014 1:39:09 AM

You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: May 31, 2014 1:35:41 AM

You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: May 30, 2014 12:27:03 AM

You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: May 29, 2014 1:35:29 AM

The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: May 26, 2014 3:15:19 AM

Any part of your driveway has ever been unusable due to nesting fowl.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
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Message Posted: May 25, 2014 3:00:53 AM

There have ever been any gun parts, magazines, or ammunition stored on the window ledge of your kitchen. Particularly if they have if they have laid there long enough for the sun to bleach the paper on the shotgun shells.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: May 24, 2014 1:49:36 AM

You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the injured fowl had escaped, found the chicken in the mirror, and was currently fighting with said chicken.

[Edited by: JCS319 at 5/24/2014 1:50:18 AM EST]
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: May 21, 2014 11:13:35 PM

Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: May 21, 2014 2:03:51 AM

You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: May 20, 2014 1:46:07 AM

You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.
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JCS319
Champion Author Tacoma

Posts:26,137
Points:2,999,860
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Message Posted: May 18, 2014 3:25:11 AM

Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.
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