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TUrtLE1625

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Oregon

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Message Posted: May 3, 2006 4:51:34 PM


Stop by and give a warm welcome to DocW, a friend from Pennsylvania.

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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Apr 17, 2015 11:45:09 PM

Greetings DocWyeth.
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DocWyeth
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Message Posted: Apr 17, 2015 11:14:19 AM

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I must spend my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you to dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for that. I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she gives up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 17, 2015 11:13:20 AM

When studying a certain subject, pretending that you’ll have to teach the material you’re studying helps you pay more attention.
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KERRMAN
Champion Author Reading

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Message Posted: Apr 13, 2015 9:47:56 PM


How is everything Doc?
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 13, 2015 7:43:09 PM

Penguins can drink salt water because they have a supraorbital gland, which lets them filtrate the salt from the water.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 12, 2015 9:01:50 AM

Cuddling releases oxytocin, known as the “feel good” hormone. It increases happiness levels and relieves stress.
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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Apr 10, 2015 11:43:58 PM

Salutations DocWyeth.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 9, 2015 12:00:35 PM

Cuddling releases oxytocin, known as the “feel good” hormone. It increases happiness levels and relieves stress.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 6, 2015 9:22:12 AM

Interview with a 96-year old lady;

QUESTION: What do you drink?

ANSWER:…For better digestion I drink beer, in the case of appetite loss I drink white wine, in the case of low blood pressure I drink red wine, in the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch, and when I have a cold I drink schnapps.

QUESTION: “When do you drink water?”

ANSWER: “I’ve never been that sick!”
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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Apr 3, 2015 11:32:09 PM

Good evening DocWyeth.
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Brillo8
Champion Author North Carolina

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Message Posted: Apr 3, 2015 9:34:05 AM

Good morning Doc. Wishing you a nice Good Friday and Easter.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 2, 2015 2:21:42 PM

A Pollock painter by the name of Jakub Wojciech, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over the world were coming to him in Tarnów for his paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretched limo, and asked Jakub if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request and it had Jakub a bit perturbed. The beautiful lady told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $50,000.

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Jakub asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Wiktoria, his missus.

In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady: “T’would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait. The wife says it’s okay. I’ll paint ya in da nude, but I have tuh leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes .”
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 1, 2015 3:38:02 PM

I was visiting my daughter last night when
I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here… use my iPad."

I can tell you this….. that darn fly never knew what hit him...
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Apr 1, 2015 3:37:21 PM

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning.

As I came into my bedroom, about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal.

Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting,

"Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?"

Alex shouted,"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!"

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, turned to me, then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 30, 2015 10:17:33 AM

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 30, 2015 10:10:02 AM

A man is angry because he has it in his head that someone stole his wallet. He walks into a church to steal someone else's wallet, but he has a change of heart during the service. He confesses to the priest afterwards about what his intentions had initially been. The priest asks, "What made you change your mind?" The man says, "In your sermon on the Ten Commandments when you got to 'Thou shall not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my wallet!"
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 29, 2015 11:45:33 AM

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
? Lao Tzu
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 28, 2015 7:25:38 AM

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life.
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blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Mar 28, 2015 7:03:55 AM

Good morning DocW. You have a blessed weekend my friend.
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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Mar 28, 2015 2:47:09 AM

Greetings DocWyeth.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 26, 2015 12:22:05 PM

Good Morning all
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 24, 2015 8:43:18 AM

A guy sits down at the bar and orders several drinks in rapid succession.

"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks .

“My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!”

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well,
Maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?”

"Yeah. But today is the last day.”
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 24, 2015 8:42:50 AM

I'm 83.
Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National
Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some serious
health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people
who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government
will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to
people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every
day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand, UK, America and Canada , while no one from these countries are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance..

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global
warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all
parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful
mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting
caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their
teens and early 20's be-deck themselves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government. And I'm sick and tired of seeing young kids walking down the streets looking like idiots with their underwear showing.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 83.. Because, mostly,
I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making.
I'm just sorry for my granddaughter and their children.
Thank God I'm on the way out and not on the way in.There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless
each of us sends it on!

This is your chance to make a difference.

"I'm 83 and I'm tired. If you don't forward this you
are part of the problem".
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KERRMAN
Champion Author Reading

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Message Posted: Mar 22, 2015 12:07:24 PM


Good afternoon Doc!
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 22, 2015 10:00:46 AM

Good Morning World
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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Mar 21, 2015 3:11:45 AM

Salutations DocWyeth.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 20, 2015 9:33:14 AM

Each Friday night after work, sun, snow or rain, Jack, being a Newfie, would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a moose steak. But, all of Jack's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled moose steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Jack, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Jack attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said: "You were born a Protestant and raised a Protestant, but now you are a Catholic."

Jack's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled moose filled the neighbourhood.

The priest was called immediately by the neighbours, and, as he rushed into Jack's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Jack, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a moose, you wuz raised a moose, but now you is a codfish.."
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blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Mar 17, 2015 8:30:46 AM

Good morning DocW
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 15, 2015 10:19:59 AM

During your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools.
Actually, Saliva is more important than you realize.
If your saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 11, 2015 2:55:10 PM

The Train of Life
.
.
At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side; however, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.
As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life.
Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.
Others will go so unnoticed that we do not realize that they vacated their seats.
This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.
Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.
The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down.
So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are.
It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life.
Reap success and give lots of love.
More importantly, thank you for being one of the passengers on my train.
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KERRMAN
Champion Author Reading

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Message Posted: Mar 9, 2015 9:11:00 PM


We went up over 50 today Doc, hopefully it continues.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 9, 2015 9:52:00 AM

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
When we overheard the blonde admin girl talking about the Sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said She "didn't think she'd get sunburned
Because the car was moving."
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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Mar 7, 2015 11:32:56 AM

Good morning DocWyeth.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 7, 2015 10:42:49 AM

Hello everyone.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 5, 2015 7:45:11 AM

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
Where do they go?

Wonder no more! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate

for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspringthroughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and socialcircle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks,until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!! Oh quit whining I fell for it, too.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 4, 2015 12:15:56 PM

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet?" The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00." Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet! certainly out of my price range." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?" Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet." And THAT'S why you can't send a woman to Home Depot!
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 3, 2015 3:29:40 PM

lightly snowing in ABE right now
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 2, 2015 9:53:22 AM

It snowed 4 in here last night. I got it moved while it was still 25 degrees and all soft and light n fluffy. Now it is 33 and snowing this am again. Slush all over and my car looks like a beater with all the dirt on it.
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blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Mar 1, 2015 7:17:05 AM

Good morning DocW. Its snowing again. I am trying to leave for Daytona bike Tuesday. Not in this stuff.
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blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Feb 28, 2015 6:32:04 AM

Good morning my friend. You have a great weekend and a great March.
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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Feb 27, 2015 11:32:39 PM

Good evening DocWyeth.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 27, 2015 12:42:20 PM

Good Afternoon
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 26, 2015 11:11:37 AM

Good Morning All
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 11:19:50 AM

Good morning all.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 11:19:44 AM

Good morning all.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 11:19:39 AM

Good morning all.
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 23, 2015 12:17:46 PM

Good morning all.
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KERRMAN
Champion Author Reading

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Message Posted: Feb 22, 2015 9:27:10 PM


Good to see you Doc!
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TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 12:04:37 PM

Greetings DocWyeth.
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blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 10:58:24 AM

Good morning DocW. Have a blessed weekend and stay warm
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DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 8:08:20 AM

Good Morning. Seems I am back in the forums.
I will always say the mods are quick tempered and thick headed.
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