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Author Topic: DocWyeth's Place! Back to Topics
TUrtLE1625
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Oregon

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Message Posted: May 3, 2006 4:51:34 PM


Stop by and give a warm welcome to DocW, a friend from Pennsylvania.

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DocWyeth
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Message Posted: Mar 5, 2015 7:45:11 AM

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
Where do they go?

Wonder no more! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate

for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspringthroughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and socialcircle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks,until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!! Oh quit whining I fell for it, too.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 4, 2015 12:15:56 PM

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet?" The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00." Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet! certainly out of my price range." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?" Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet." And THAT'S why you can't send a woman to Home Depot!
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 3, 2015 3:29:40 PM

lightly snowing in ABE right now
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Mar 2, 2015 9:53:22 AM

It snowed 4 in here last night. I got it moved while it was still 25 degrees and all soft and light n fluffy. Now it is 33 and snowing this am again. Slush all over and my car looks like a beater with all the dirt on it.
blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Mar 1, 2015 7:17:05 AM

Good morning DocW. Its snowing again. I am trying to leave for Daytona bike Tuesday. Not in this stuff.
blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Feb 28, 2015 6:32:04 AM

Good morning my friend. You have a great weekend and a great March.
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Feb 27, 2015 11:32:39 PM

Good evening DocWyeth.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 27, 2015 12:42:20 PM

Good Afternoon
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 26, 2015 11:11:37 AM

Good Morning All
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 11:19:50 AM

Good morning all.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 11:19:44 AM

Good morning all.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 11:19:39 AM

Good morning all.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 23, 2015 12:17:46 PM

Good morning all.
KERRMAN
Champion Author Reading

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Message Posted: Feb 22, 2015 9:27:10 PM


Good to see you Doc!
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 12:04:37 PM

Greetings DocWyeth.
blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 10:58:24 AM

Good morning DocW. Have a blessed weekend and stay warm
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 8:08:20 AM

Good Morning. Seems I am back in the forums.
I will always say the mods are quick tempered and thick headed.
Brillo8
Champion Author North Carolina

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Message Posted: Feb 16, 2015 7:39:26 AM

Good morning Doc
blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Feb 15, 2015 9:59:43 AM

Good morning my friend
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Feb 14, 2015 12:01:58 AM

Bonjour DocWyeth.
trevor3000
Champion Author Pittsburgh

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Message Posted: Feb 9, 2015 11:06:19 AM

Good Morning DocW!
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 9, 2015 9:47:52 AM

So I posted this article in the news... GB made it disappear.
Dont tell me they dont have an liberal agenda...

When future generations look back on the global-warming scare of the past 30 years, nothing will shock them more than the extent to which the official temperature records – on which the entire panic ultimately rested – were systematically “adjusted” to show the Earth as having warmed much more than the actual data justified.

Two weeks ago, under the headline “How we are being tricked by flawed data on global warming”, I wrote about Paul Homewood, who, on his Notalotofpeopleknowthat blog, had checked the published temperature graphs for three weather stations in Paraguay against the temperatures that had originally been recorded. In each instance, the actual trend of 60 years of data had been dramatically reversed, so that a cooling trend was changed to one that showed a marked warming.

This was only the latest of many examples of a practice long recognised by expert observers around the world – one that raises an ever larger question mark over the entire official surface-temperature record.

The fiddling with temperature data is the biggest science scandal ever
Brillo8
Champion Author North Carolina

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Message Posted: Feb 9, 2015 8:52:12 AM

Good morning Doc....

Informative post. Thanks!

O One
B Big
A A$$
M Mistake
A America
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 8, 2015 11:08:33 AM

President Barack Obama's Fiscal Year 2016 Budget was unveiled Monday to the American public, along with the Department of Treasury's Greenbook, which provides further explanation and details of the proposals in the president's budget.

This year's version of the budget included a number of provisions targeting retirement accounts. That was no surprise, as provisions aimed at retirement accounts have been a regular feature in budgets in recent years. What was a surprise, however, is how many proposals were targeting retirement accounts, and how many new proposals there were. All told, this year's budget featured over a dozen provisions that, if they were to become law, could directly impact your retirement savings.

TY Mr President for showing me how socialism works. Those that work hard share with those that are lazy via the govt taking from me and giving to a lazy person.
KERRMAN
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Message Posted: Feb 7, 2015 5:33:58 PM


Good evening Doc!
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 7, 2015 9:10:50 AM

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Feb 6, 2015 11:53:08 PM

Salutations DocWyeth.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 6, 2015 12:29:53 PM

I just checked the weather and we are at a high of 19 Whoo Hoo
DocWyeth
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Message Posted: Feb 4, 2015 12:35:20 PM

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Sunday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please???

Thanks, Joe

——————

Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely that you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so that, in the end, nothing would be gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than with the original system. Look in your manual under “Warnings-Alimony/Child Support”. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,regardless of their actual cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the Esc key because — ultimately-you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 2, 2015 2:21:41 PM

How The Internet Got Started - According To The Bible.
.
.
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, Large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying
what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures Hebrew To The People (HTTP). And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich
Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew
Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began.
And that's the truth.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Feb 1, 2015 10:31:45 AM

Q: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl?

A: The Philadelphia Eagles.
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Jan 30, 2015 11:40:20 PM

Good evening DocWyeth.
KERRMAN
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Message Posted: Jan 29, 2015 7:25:03 PM


Good evening Doc!
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 28, 2015 8:29:54 AM

Biology Exam
.
Students in an advanced Biology class was taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, “Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.”
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
.
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang for the end of class he wrote:
.
7. It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
.
He got an A
blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Jan 22, 2015 9:20:52 AM

Good morning DocW. I went to Baltimore twice yesterday. The bad weather wasn't that bad Thank God. Friday I follow a truck mounted crane to Dayton NJ. Starting out the new year with some extra funds..............
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 22, 2015 8:13:46 AM

Q: What did the plug say to the socket?

A: "Socket to me, baby!"
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Jan 21, 2015 11:08:15 PM

Good evening DocWyeth.
blubaugh
Champion Author Pennsylvania

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Message Posted: Jan 21, 2015 7:30:33 AM

Good morning DOcW and take it easy if you are out and about. I have to take someone to the Doctor in Baltimore this morning. I am praying for a safe trip.
Brillo8
Champion Author North Carolina

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Message Posted: Jan 20, 2015 6:47:09 AM

Good morning Doc!
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 19, 2015 11:19:15 AM

A guy walks into a bathroom, sits down, and notices three buttons in front of him marked, WW, WA, and ATR. Curiosity gets the better of him so he decides to press WW. Suddenly, warm water sprays up his rear. “Mmmm,” he says to himself. “That was good.” So he presses WA and a jet of warm air dries his backside. “Mmmm. Nice!” So finally he can’t resist pressing the ATR button. The next thing he knows, he is waking up in a hospital ward just as the nurse is entering the room. “Nurse, Nurse! Where am I? What happened?” The nurse replies, “You must have missed the sign to not press the ATR button.” “What does ATR mean exactly?” says the guy. “Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles are under your pillow.”
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 18, 2015 9:56:47 AM

Do you know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers fighting over a penny.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 17, 2015 12:46:21 PM

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Jan 16, 2015 11:23:01 PM

Good evening DocWyeth.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 16, 2015 3:19:39 PM

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 14, 2015 10:11:35 AM

What do you call Satan and a lawyer?

Twins!
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 12, 2015 2:04:46 PM

Q: What is the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A: The skid marks in front of the skunk.
KERRMAN
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Message Posted: Jan 11, 2015 6:59:15 PM


How was your weekend Doc?
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 7, 2015 2:12:02 PM

Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."

"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"

God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."

Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."

God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."

Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
TCOROLLA
Champion Author Salem

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Message Posted: Jan 6, 2015 11:30:54 PM

Good evening DocWyeth.
DocWyeth
Champion Author Allentown

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Message Posted: Jan 6, 2015 12:08:45 PM

Good Afternoon all

Change in Avatar
KERRMAN
Champion Author Reading

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Message Posted: Jan 5, 2015 10:28:24 PM


What's up Doc?
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