GustheCat2
Champion Author
Virginia
Posts:1,856
Points:417,200
Joined:Feb 2012
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Message Posted: May 22, 2013 6:34:04 AM
Why are there no "B" cell batteries?
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: May 22, 2013 1:43:55 AM
How do you know when gas is too high ?
When a full tank of gas is worth more then your CAR.
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WhiskeyBurner
Rookie Author
Illinois
Posts:63
Points:700
Joined:May 2013
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Message Posted: May 21, 2013 12:56:41 PM
When you work retail, every work day has the potential to be a stupid question day.........just never know if it's going to a customer, coworker/superviser, or yourself needing one of Bill Engval's signs.
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: May 21, 2013 1:51:26 AM
"Have a good day,unless you have other plans"
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skylerthewise
Rookie Author
Mississippi
Posts:28
Points:99,510
Joined:Mar 2012
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Message Posted: May 20, 2013 11:46:18 PM
which way did he go?
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: May 10, 2013 7:17:28 PM
Have a good day,unless you have other plans.
Our society is doomed..............
IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS
IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
They walk among us......and they VOTE.
REV;RAY.
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Mar 27, 2013 11:20:07 AM
1. If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally,… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
2. If you have to get your parents permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion,… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
3. If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book, but not to vote, … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
4. If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt, you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
5. If, in our largest city, you can buy "two" 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat,… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
6. If an 80-year-old woman and 3 yr old child can be stripped searched by the TSA, but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched,… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
7. If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more,… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
8. If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is cute, but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable, … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
9. If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug infested homes…, you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
10. If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing, and free cell phones,… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
11. If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen TV while your neighbor buys iPhones, TVs and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage,… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots
12. If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more safe according to the government,… you might live in a country founded by
geniuses but run by idiots.
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gocatgo
Champion Author
South Carolina
Posts:15,658
Points:2,530,555
Joined:Apr 2006
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Message Posted: Mar 18, 2013 11:24:48 AM
Should women that wear crosses be considered cross dressers?
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I75at7AM
Champion Author
Dayton
Posts:66,545
Points:2,434,420
Joined:Feb 2006
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Message Posted: Mar 14, 2013 10:29:22 AM
"Why have I been an hour late for everything this week?" It's like somebody changed all the clocks or something......
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I75at7AM
Champion Author
Dayton
Posts:66,545
Points:2,434,420
Joined:Feb 2006
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Message Posted: Feb 7, 2013 10:22:06 AM
If the word "laughter" is pronounced "LAFF-ter" why isn't the word "slaughter" pronounced "Slaff-ter" ??
[Edited by: I75at7AM at 2/7/2013 10:22:32 AM EST]
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Feb 5, 2013 1:59:46 AM
A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together. So th e doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?' She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' The doctor
thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.' She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms. The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! 'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.' The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!
If you agree, please SHARE. Together we can help save precious lives! "Love says I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion says I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself..
"SHARE" & Save Inocent Life
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Jan 17, 2013 2:03:05 AM
Do you post with one finger ?????
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cheapmonkee
Champion Author
Portland
Posts:30,319
Points:3,172,385
Joined:Jun 2004
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Message Posted: Jan 17, 2013 12:46:59 AM
What about Hoffman?
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I75at7AM
Champion Author
Dayton
Posts:66,545
Points:2,434,420
Joined:Feb 2006
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Message Posted: Jan 17, 2013 12:32:45 AM
I lost a glove. Did anyone find it??
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unclesnipe
Champion Author
Cincinnati
Posts:21,719
Points:1,287,575
Joined:Oct 2009
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Message Posted: Dec 27, 2012 8:11:35 PM
did I remember to turn my computer on before I logged on to GB?
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Dec 27, 2012 6:49:16 PM
HELLO, have a blessed New Year everyone & a happy new life.
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conesuslake2
All-Star Author
Florida
Posts:738
Points:251,545
Joined:Dec 2011
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Message Posted: Dec 20, 2012 4:28:59 PM
hi
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Eyeballin
Champion Author
Manitoba
Posts:1,367
Points:122,520
Joined:May 2010
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Message Posted: Dec 20, 2012 4:06:53 PM
Why is there braille at drive-through ATMs?
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unclesnipe
Champion Author
Cincinnati
Posts:21,719
Points:1,287,575
Joined:Oct 2009
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Message Posted: Dec 20, 2012 11:10:49 AM
Is it considered bad form to overstay at your neighbor's end of the world party?
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I75at7AM
Champion Author
Dayton
Posts:66,545
Points:2,434,420
Joined:Feb 2006
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Message Posted: Dec 20, 2012 9:30:28 AM
"Is this ham kosher?"
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Cruzinwritr
Champion Author
San Diego
Posts:1,795
Points:208,150
Joined:Oct 2012
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Message Posted: Nov 8, 2012 12:19:06 PM
Your from San Diego??? I have a friend name John that lives in San Diego, do you know him??
WHAT!!!! (Yes, really was asked.)
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unclesnipe
Champion Author
Cincinnati
Posts:21,719
Points:1,287,575
Joined:Oct 2009
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Message Posted: Nov 7, 2012 7:44:55 PM
have they come for your guns and bibles yet ;)
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gasbud4
Champion Author
San Jose
Posts:10,712
Points:1,643,390
Joined:Aug 2008
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Message Posted: Nov 7, 2012 3:33:36 AM
Why are there no measures financed with bonds?
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Nov 7, 2012 2:00:11 AM
did we loss or win ???????????
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Nov 7, 2012 1:59:01 AM
Did we win or loss are is that loss or win ????????????
I don't think is was good for any of us.
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unclesnipe
Champion Author
Cincinnati
Posts:21,719
Points:1,287,575
Joined:Oct 2009
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Message Posted: Nov 7, 2012 12:27:01 AM
is there an election coming up soon?
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Plymouth 95
All-Star Author
Ontario
Posts:640
Points:146,050
Joined:Jun 2004
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Message Posted: Oct 27, 2012 4:22:28 PM
When I go into a hospital lobby I'm expected to "scrub" my hands with some foul smelling chemical yet I may have just walked through dog crap and no one cares about what may be on my shoes.
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Oct 26, 2012 11:38:18 AM
It is all in how you look at it...
No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.
His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.
Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
Just had to share this. :O)
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Sep 30, 2012 1:43:08 AM
Can I be first,Will I be first,YES I am first.
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unclesnipe
Champion Author
Cincinnati
Posts:21,719
Points:1,287,575
Joined:Oct 2009
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Message Posted: Sep 29, 2012 8:04:15 PM
if we have the right to remain silent, then why is this country so bloody noisy?
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justjoycie
Champion Author
Illinois
Posts:11,878
Points:320,000
Joined:May 2007
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Message Posted: Sep 29, 2012 1:18:39 AM
THAT didn't make any sense did it?!
in an ice cube tray, why is the shape of the ice cube a square?
(the actual shape of the ice cube tray itself is a rectangle)
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justjoycie
Champion Author
Illinois
Posts:11,878
Points:320,000
Joined:May 2007
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Message Posted: Sep 29, 2012 1:15:46 AM
why are ice cube trays squares?
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I75at7AM
Champion Author
Dayton
Posts:66,545
Points:2,434,420
Joined:Feb 2006
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Message Posted: Sep 28, 2012 8:00:55 AM
Why does every day of the week end in "y" ??
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unclesnipe
Champion Author
Cincinnati
Posts:21,719
Points:1,287,575
Joined:Oct 2009
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Message Posted: Sep 28, 2012 12:22:56 AM
is that today?????
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unclesnipe
Champion Author
Cincinnati
Posts:21,719
Points:1,287,575
Joined:Oct 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 30, 2012 10:38:16 AM
do you doubt the validity of 42?
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I75at7AM
Champion Author
Dayton
Posts:66,545
Points:2,434,420
Joined:Feb 2006
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Message Posted: Aug 30, 2012 8:19:25 AM
If you ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer!! (twelve seconds...)
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 23, 2012 8:45:04 AM
Funny, useless fact for the day: Did you know that "Dammit I'm mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm mad"? That just blew my mind...
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 17, 2012 2:52:47 AM
Did you do it again for the first time ???
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 17, 2012 2:51:30 AM
Did you do it for the first time again????
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 16, 2012 2:10:05 AM
Do I look like a president??
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 13, 2012 1:18:38 AM
Did you have a hard day's night???:)) :))
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I75at7AM
Champion Author
Dayton
Posts:66,545
Points:2,434,420
Joined:Feb 2006
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Message Posted: Aug 12, 2012 1:20:14 AM
Who won the Avocado Wars?
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 12, 2012 1:19:01 AM
Did you read your mind today??? :)) :))
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me2me2
Sophomore Author
Illinois
Posts:223
Points:293,645
Joined:Aug 2011
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Message Posted: Aug 11, 2012 5:20:43 PM
Why do drive through ATM's have braille on the keys?
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 7, 2012 2:24:52 AM
Did you have interesting thoughts again ???
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 6, 2012 3:30:15 AM
Did you find the other thing you love???
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 4, 2012 2:18:36 AM
Did you think about it before or after you did it.???
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 3, 2012 2:11:46 AM
Have you ever captured your IMAGINATION????
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Aug 2, 2012 1:45:39 AM
"Don't think,I don't think about it".<(":")>
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snappyray09
Champion Author
Arkansas
Posts:26,437
Points:1,338,875
Joined:Sep 2009
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Message Posted: Jul 31, 2012 11:45:05 AM
WILL YOU BE THERE???;Mike Huckabee.
A little over a week ago, I simply urged people to go and eat at Chick Fil-A on Wednesday, August 1. I mentioned it on my TV show and have been discussing it on my daily radio show. The media has called it a "protest." It is most certainly not. No one is protesting anything. This is not a stand against a person, a group of people, or even someone else's belief. This is a simple act of having a meal at a place that sells chicken, not politics. It's to affirm to a Christian brother, Dan Cathy, that he has not been disenfranchised from his citizenship nor his right of free speech as a taxpaying American. It is about taking a stand for businesses to be free of economic bullying and hate speech. It is an opportunity to have a decent meal at a decent place that was founded and continues to be run by decent people who believe in treating their customers and employees with kindness and to say "thank you" to them. The only protest that I know of is coming from the chickens, who will give their lives in large numbers to accommodate what hopefully will be a big day at Chick Fil-A.
Chick Fil-A neither proposed this nor has promoted it. It was a simple idea I had and shared with a few friends, posted the online and asked them to share with their friends. I don't have that many friends, but my friends seem to. Since then, over 21 million have viewed my Facebook event page. We are north of half a million people who have said they will eat at Chick Fil-A on Wednesday and still adding more. Millions more are aware of it and might show up in one of the 1600 Chick Fil-A stores.
The attacks on Christians are disturbing, especially by "wanna be tyrants, like the mayors of Boston, Chicago, San Francisco, and Washington, D. C. who have vowed to either keep Chick Fil-A out of their communities or have openly said this business is not welcome because they (the mayors) don't agree with the personal views of the Chick Fil- A CEO. Not only is such a position by the mayors illegal and unconstitutional, but it's disturbing to think that anyone elected to public office would publicly exhibit their bigotry toward Christians, their hypocrisy in singling out only Christians, but not others including Muslims who have even stronger beliefs about same sex marriage, and their contempt of the law regarding censorship and free speech.
On Wednesday, the lines might be long, but your presence and your purchase is a statement. America doesn't need more protesters-we'll leave that to the Occupy crowd. America needs more protectors of freedom, family, and faith. And in this case, chicken nuggets! <(":")>
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