Not Logged In Log In   Sign Up   Points Leaders
Follow Us    4:32 AM

Message Forum - Read Message

Category: Off Topic > Topics Add to favorite topics   Post new topicPost New Topic
Author Topic: ol' geezer's club Back to Topics
cheapmonkee
Champion Author
Portland

Posts:34,309
Points:3,958,660
Joined:Jun 2004
Message Posted: Jul 5, 2005 9:30:10 PM

Welcome to the club. Even you young pups can stop on by as long as you mind your manners. There may be snow on the roof but there's a fire that ol' diablo would covet in the furnace so watch out!
REPLIES (newest first) Post a Reply
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 31, 2015 1:11:22 AM

Yeah, but BJ, I distinctly remember paying a $3.00 deposit on this jug. I hate to just abandon it! I'll hide it under Bertha's behind! He'll never find it there! Hee hee.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 30, 2015 9:34:05 AM

Howdy Geezers

I think we've got enough Miracle Hooch along to last us till we head back. Settin' up a still might draw unwarranted attention from the local authorities and since we're here, pretty much incognito, we gotta keep a very low profile. Uh, Oh, who's that big ugly fellow that's starin' at Chris' jug? He doesn't look very savory. I think a tactical retreat might be in order! Abandon that jug, Chris, and get away in a hurry. He looks like he might be from one of the local gangs, and we don't need that kinda trouble!

Pass the jug. I need some solace!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 30, 2015 7:46:33 AM

Drinks? There's enough room there to set up a still. Hmmmm.... I Wonder. Nah, we're on vacation.

Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 30, 2015 1:39:39 AM

BB's behind is so big, all the locals can all set their drinks on it w/o them tipping over. That's what they find so appealing. Why, I can even set this hooch jug on there with room to spare! That's what I find so appealing. Or have I already said that?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 29, 2015 10:18:17 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Good Lord! Is that Chris over there hoverin' around BB with those local boys? HEY, CHRIS, what do ya know 'bout BB that we don't? Looks like some of the local lassies are gettin a bit purturbed that BB seems to be gettin' all the attention on this section of beach. I hope they don't start riotin' or anything like that!

Pass that jug. geezer. The drama is unfoldin'!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 29, 2015 8:21:32 AM

I'm With ya, BG. Bertha has sump thin' that's attraction' those local boys for sure. Let's sip 'n stare.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 28, 2015 12:45:35 PM

Mornin' Geezers!

How did Bertha get down here??? She cain't fit thru the passenger door of an airliner and they don't have seats big enough for her. Mebbe they hauled her down here on a cargo jet. I sure hope they have a lotta sunburn lotion 'cause she's gettin' quite a burn and she'll need an awful lot! How come all those local boys are hovering around her? Is she independently wealthy or something? They look like a whole gang of gigolos!

My, but the other lassies runnin' around in their skimpy 'kinis certainly conjure up images from my youth. I think I'll sit over here against this palm tree and re-run memories from the "olden days"!

Pass the jug. The memory show is about to begin!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 27, 2015 11:06:53 PM

That ain't a beached whale, BG, it's Big Bertha from back home! Looks like she's enjoyin' herself. I wonder if she'll introduce us to some of the more comely natives...Hey Bertha!

:::smack:::
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 27, 2015 10:46:01 AM

Howdy Geezers

Yup, plenty of eye candy hereabouts! Oh, look over there........a beached whale! Well, mebbe it ain't all eye candy, but I'm thinkin' young thoughts again! These girls certainly believe in absorbing as much vitamin D as possible. Oh, to be 50 or 60 years younger!!!

Pass the jug. I gotta give my ticker a jump start!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 26, 2015 4:36:37 PM

Oh man, I just saw a tragedy. This hot young thing in a super stringy thong suit was layin' in the sand an' somehow a bunch of it got in her suit. Well then she went for a jog an' sawed herself in half! What a waste. Kinda sexy, too, but what a waste nonetheless.

Speakin' of nuns, I saw a bunch of 'em on the beach. Once you get in the habit, they ain't half bad.

::: God makes a note to himself: Geezer is going to hell. Tell Pete not to let him in:::
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 26, 2015 12:22:42 PM

Hasty tasty, and hot tamales, Seniorita's! ::: flashes new duck banana thong outfit, complete with dark sunglasses ::: where's my guy's at? Got a hottie on the hook, with twin sisters!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 26, 2015 11:21:20 AM

Howdy Geezers

Hopefully that's all she's got that's just like yours, geezer. I heard that gender changes are inexpensive here in Brazil, and that ya gotta be careful who yer associatin' with! I could use some cleanin' up after that first event here on the beach. Cripes, I've got sand in places where I didn't even know I had places! Wow!!! Check that one out, geezer. She has some really great female attributes! I could get to likin' this beach adventure!

Pass the jug, quick. I gotta wet my whistle!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 25, 2015 7:02:59 PM

Whew, what a run! I holed up in a cavern at the other end of the beach. Now it's a new day. It's sunny an' here come the hunnies! Whoa, wher's the back of her suit? An' where's the front? Hey, she got a down-there shavin' just like mine!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 25, 2015 1:09:54 PM

Good Morning Geezers

Oh, my head! What didja have in that flask, geezer? And why am I full of sand? And where is my wallet? What day is this? Where are youse guys? I don't see anyone I recognize. What happened?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 24, 2015 10:05:14 AM

'Mornin' Geezers

Hey, that Paolo guy wasn't all that bad. He just looked a bit unkempt, but I hope ya know that we're gonna be approached by all kindsa beach vendors (and shills) and this is normal course of business here on the beach in Brazil. We just haveta be choosey in who we deal with. I don't feel like runnin' much, so maybe we oughta head over to the higher class area where we won't have to hurry. But first, break out that disguised flask and lets have a nip of that good ol' home brew!

Pass the jug. We be jammin'!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 24, 2015 8:51:41 AM

Speedo Guy: Hallo, pasty Americans. My name is Paolo, and this is my favorite banana hammock I am wearing. I own a bathing suit shop up the beach a ways. Can I take you there for a fitting? I can get you out of those baggy things you are wearing and put you in the latest Speedo. A thong for you, perhaps, senor seniors?

Us: No thanks, Paolo. We'll jes' mosey on down the beach.

:::we break into what passes for a run:::
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 23, 2015 10:35:57 PM

Hey, that guy in the speedo... Yeah BJ the guy with the eye patch and mustache looks kind of suspicious. DON'T POINT!! Oh crickey! He's headed this way!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 23, 2015 11:17:35 AM

Howdy Geezers

The adventure begins!!! To the beach it is! Methinks we oughta break down the Miracle Hooch into smaller containers that are easier to conceal. Some of these locals seem to be eyeballin' these jugs and they don't look very friendly. Why do I have an uneasy feelin' in the pit of my stomach? Oh, well.......

Pass the jug. I wanna take the edge off my sobriety before I go any further!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 23, 2015 8:37:48 AM

Whatya say we head down to the beach? Mucho chaquitas there an' I hear they don't wear a whole lot. We can bring along some miracle hooch an' perhaps trade jug with 'em.
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 22, 2015 2:41:49 PM

First time I've ever seen Haysoos in person! I knew he was kind of like the "The Big Lebowski"! But this is Brazil! So he would be " El gran Lebowski" in Portuguese!
Hey, I brought along this Google translator, so we could blend in with the locals!
Niza jarros, señora! :::Señora slaps Chris silly::: HEY! What'd I say? Well, lets blend in!

[Edited by: Chris46 at 3/22/2015 2:44:17 PM EST]
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 22, 2015 10:17:24 AM

Howdy Geezers

My, but that's a big statue! Reminds me....today's Sunday, I gotta find me a church and do some prayin'. Mostly to thank the big boss above that we made it here safely! But first.........

Pass the jug. A Thanksgiving drink is in order!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 22, 2015 9:28:36 AM

That's "Haysoos on the Hill," Chris. We have arrived an' I think we should park WonderTub out behind Haysoos so he's safe. Wake up BG, grab your bags an' hooch an' let's go down into town!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 21, 2015 12:19:40 PM

Geezer you sure got a good eyesight I can't tell whether they are hos or cows. All I can see is that big statue looks like somebody is welcoming us!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 21, 2015 8:09:44 AM

Land ho! And hos on land! (that was for one of our ol' compatriots, drunkhabib). Man, that's a lot of jungle down there, but we're headed for Rio! Look, the Amazon, I think!

Get out your sun tan oil, your Speedos an' your sunglasses, coots, we'll be arrivin' in a little while.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 21, 2015 1:10:44 AM

Howdy Geezers

Hey geezer, be sure ya turn south once ya figger we're out far enuf over the Atlantic. 'course ya could just set the GPS and couple it to the autopilot and we'd get there without trouble! I gotta take a nap, but first.......

Pass the jug. I thirst!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 20, 2015 11:55:45 PM

:::Looks over the edge of the Wondertub®::: Boy, that's more water than I've seen since I emptied a hooch jug all by myself! I hope we got enough gas on the last stop to make Brazil! Geezer, don't fly too low, those waves look big! BJ, pass the hooch back, I need a nightcap to sleep.
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 20, 2015 1:19:35 PM

Why are you coots so nervous? We're headed out over the Atlantic to avoid Columbia an' some of those other drug countries. Brazil, here we come!!

:::whoosh!::;
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 20, 2015 9:26:06 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Mebbe we oughta turn around an' head back home. After all, it's the first day of Spring, and the weather is gettin' nice enuf for people to start sheddin' their clothes. We don't need no steekin' Brazil to see the sights!

Pass the jug. We could be refuelin' any minute now!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 19, 2015 11:49:24 AM

Gladly BJ. Geezer worries me sometimes. I think we should have took the rift-raft. I don't know about setting down in water with a 500# bathtub. Hey, if I see any girls sunbathing, I will let you know pronto, Tonto. Pass the jug back BG, I've got to sharpen my eyesight!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 19, 2015 9:37:52 AM

Good Morning Geezers

"Think" we're in Panama????? Did the GPS stop workin'? Y'know, lookin' down at that coastline it looks like we're at Panama City, Florida! Oh, well, Chris and I are gonna engage in some libation consumption. Call us if ya need any help with the refuelin'.

Pass that jug, Chris. We're officially the primary consumers of Miracle Hooch!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 19, 2015 8:24:45 AM

Sorry, guys. I kinda zoned out there for a bit. Okay then, let's set down an' fuel up. We're gonna be over a lot of open water soon an' while this is a real tub, it's got a lot of leaks where the drain an' faucets were. I think we're in Panama an' I know there's a bunch of fuelin' stations at the canal.
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 18, 2015 12:22:31 PM

Glad I got my seatbelt on! Did we remember to fill up before we left? Pass the hooch BJ, I'll join you for a "I don't really wanna know"! Geezer? Calling Geezer! Are you there? Have we lost our pilot??? To be continued............
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 18, 2015 10:01:18 AM

Howdy Geezers

With as much colorin' as ya dumped into the hooch, Chris, we're all gonna pee green!
Whoa, this WonderTub is slowin' down! Are we gettin' close or is there some kinda propulsion problem?

Pass the jug. I really don't wanna know!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 17, 2015 12:38:45 PM

Well, I'm glad its St. Patty's Day! Now we can bring out the green food coloring, and add just a few drops to the....... Whoops! Seems somebody left the little plastic thingy off the top of the bottle, and I've added 2oz. by mistake! Now I know why they call it pea-green!

[Edited by: Chris46 at 3/17/2015 12:39:20 PM EST]
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 17, 2015 9:47:53 AM

Good Morning Geezers

I got my goggles on now. My eyes won't get all teary in this slipstream. I never woulda guessed that Miracle Hooch would save us from that hungry cat. It's a shame, though, that it got spilled. I hope we'll have enough for the remaining trip!

Pass that remaining jug. We gotta celebrate escapin' the big cat!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 17, 2015 9:33:41 AM

No need to get violent, boys. Look, that big cat is lappin' up the spilled Miracle Hooch so he oughta be passin' out in three....two....one....::thud:: There! Let's get back to WonderTub, dump that big kitty overboard an' get outta here.

Okay now, lemme check the GPS an' see if we're in Brazil. Nope, it says we're in Louisiana. Oh well, let's get goin'.

:::whoosh:::
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 16, 2015 11:00:03 AM

There's no trees to climb! There's no building to hide in! Nothing but swamp! Oh oh, I'm glad I brought Izzy's old "Betsy" for protection! I've never fired old "Betsy"! Where do the bullets go? OH GEEZER, you're older than me, here see if you can load it.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 16, 2015 9:52:01 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Are we here in Brazil, yet? Why did we land? And why is it so swampy around us? Boy, it just doesn't pay to take a nap in the WonderTub. I keep missing all the enroute adventures. Is that a Bobcat? Looks too big, and why is he staring at us like that? Somehow, I have the idea that things didn't quite go according to plan.

Pass the jug. We gotta sort all this out!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 16, 2015 8:56:23 AM

What the.....I can't see. Gotta set 'er down, boys. Uh oh. I think we landed in a swamp or somethin'. It's real wet here. I hope ol' wonderTub can power back up outta this mud. First, I'll get this paper off the windscreen. Okay, now let's get out an' look around. It's time we stretched our legs.

Look at that nice kitty cat over there. My, isn't it pretty. Uh oh. Run!!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 15, 2015 6:03:16 PM

Boy, it sure is windy in the back seat!! My eyes are watering!! BJ, pass me that roll of paper towels, so I can wipe my eyes!! :::wind whips 6 sheets of paper towels off roll, and they promptly wrap around geezers face, who is driving::: "OH NO"!!! We're flying blind!! Lord help us!! Pass the hooch BJ, my life just flashed before my eyes, and it wasn't pretty!!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 15, 2015 11:30:43 AM

Howdy Geezers,

Wow! What a takeoff! Ease back on that throttle a bit, geezer. We got all this hooch to drink on the way, so we're in no hurry. And be sure to activate the cloaking device so we cain't be tracked.

Now, pass that jug. This is gonna be a good trip!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 14, 2015 10:24:55 PM

We're blastin' off right now. Hold on!

:::WHOOOOOSH:::

On to Brazil!!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:51,198
Points:2,892,515
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Mar 14, 2015 9:04:58 AM

G'morning geezers! :::toilet paper stuck to Chris's foot::: Just a little indisposed. No problem. What's up? Another big adventure? Let me just grab Izzy's old elephant gun, and my safari hat, and an extra jug........... OK, I'm ready. When do we blast off?
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 14, 2015 8:25:27 AM

We're getting warmed up too, BG, but where the heck is Chris? It isn't duck huntin' season yet, is it?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 14, 2015 1:59:23 AM

Hi There Geezers

Fire up the WonderTub, geezer. We gotta let her warm up a bit!

Pass the jug. I gotta take the edge off my sobriety!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 13, 2015 11:02:52 AM

Good Morning Geezers!!!

Another adventure! Ledt's get on the road! But first......

Pass the jug. We cain't be completely sober for our departure!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 13, 2015 9:22:11 AM

The cloakin' thingy is workin' an' I got a super duper GPS for WonderTub so we don't get lost like we did with that Roller coaster.

Here's our first trip jug of Miracle Hooch. Let's take a few sips while we wait for Chris to get out of the outhouse.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 12, 2015 10:31:12 AM

Good Morning Coots

Hang on a bit, geezer, I cain't find my special shades. How would I look in Brazil without those really cool shades? I'm beginnin' to think someone took 'em without me knowin' about it. <<<panic is startin' to set in>>> Oh, here they are.....I was wearin' them.

Is the cloaking device operational?

Pass the jug. We need ta get primed for this adventure!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 12, 2015 9:08:47 AM

Okay coots, get everythin' into WonderTub, we're about to take off.
geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:25,258
Points:3,892,685
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Mar 11, 2015 10:23:12 AM

I'm here, BG. I was in the outhouse. Are you ready to go? Chris, got everything packed?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:11,602
Points:2,291,060
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Mar 11, 2015 9:25:52 AM

Hi Geezers

I come in in the evening and no one's here. I come in in the morning and no one's here. I'm glad I know where the key for the hooch locker is!

Pass the jug. I'm gonna drink till someone shows up!
Post a reply Back to Topics