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cheapmonkee

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Message Posted: Jul 5, 2005 9:30:10 PM

Welcome to the club. Even you young pups can stop on by as long as you mind your manners. There may be snow on the roof but there's a fire that ol' diablo would covet in the furnace so watch out!
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 25, 2014 11:39:51 AM

I eat as many vegans as I can catch with a box, stick and string, but like the chinese, I like duck sauce on my vegan. Hey, I'm hungry again after only a half hour!
BJ, can I have your share of the hooch? Oh, and yeah... I'll miss ya! Watch out for those blue haired cougars. They can be tricky!

Geezer, lets go down to the senior center and create a ruckus! Ruckus... I LIKE that word!

Double serving of hooch please.

QUAAAACK! That'sa gooda hoocha!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 25, 2014 10:16:59 AM

Howdy Geezers

It's been 16 years since I retired from the military and 14 since I left my well-payin' form of employment. And, y'know, I miss the military (C-130 Loadmaster) flying but not the civilian job. Mrs BG and I made some good retirement moves so now we're doin OK and love being paid to stay home. Best part about it is we can come and go as we please.....and usually do.

So, have we decided on a float design for the Gastonia Days Parade? Mebbe an oversized outhouse towed by a pair of Percherons or something to that effect. I like the idea of Miracle Hooch candy for distribution to the masses of spectators. In the past there have been about 30 nursing home residents lining the parade route and I'm sure they'd appreciate the bump they'd get from the candy.

Pass the jug. I gotta finish packin' for our road trip this afternoon!

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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 25, 2014 9:03:17 AM

Hmmm....bluegrass, blue hairs. Methinks there's a theme to your retirement, BG. How many years have you been "work free?" A little over ten years for me.
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 24, 2014 9:48:36 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Ducks eat vegans???? Who'da thunk it? I may not check in with you coots for a while as I'll be out on a road trip and after that at a bluegrass festival. I sure am glad I retired those many years ago since I wouldn't be able to cram in all these activities if I were working. So, try not to get into tooooo much trouble whilst I'm gone!

Pass the jug. I gotta lubricate my throat!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 24, 2014 8:33:49 AM

How many vegans do you eat in a week, Chris?
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 23, 2014 12:18:01 PM

Good afternoon geezers
I'll take my chances with cancer, thank you, although my farts don't smell bad.
Probably my vegan diet.
Looks like rain to the West of us. I'd better just take it easy today, rest up so I can do some serious jug lifting after 2pm.
Have a good day. QUAAAAACK!!!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 23, 2014 8:15:15 AM

I got long winded last night, an' Mrs. Geezer went to the guest room to sleep. She just doesn't realize I was looking out for her health. A study from the University of Exeter, wherever that is, says smelling farts can help prevent cancer. (True! You can look it up.)
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 22, 2014 2:45:12 PM

Good Afternoon Geezers

I hadda cut the grass this AM and then my music teacher came over to give me a singin' lesson. Heck, I've barely had time to get started on my day's drinkin'! Who knew retirement would be sooooooo busy? Gonna go over to the marina and fire up Riff Raft and go out for a river cruise.

Hooch candy sounds like a great idea. We could put extra sugar and corn syrup in it, and make a deal with the local dentists to get them extra business because of the tooth rot we'd be promotin'. Of course, we'd have ta get them to share some of their profits because of the increased business they'd be gettin' because of our efforts. Kinda like a passive fund raiser.

Maggie's gin sing brownies sound like they'd be a hit also. Load 'em up with sugar, Maggie and we'll get even more profit sharing from the dentists. I'm guessing we won't have ta have any other fund raisers for quite a while.
geezer, ya musta read my mind about the interior color for the outhouse. I hadn't thought much about the exterior color, though. Red for danger would be appropriate, but it might also attract too much attention. Those revenooers are always lookin' for something out of the ordinary, and a cherry red outhouse would qualify.

Be careful with all that button poppin' Maggie. Some of us old coots could get pretty excited! But give the granddaughter hugs from us and let her know we're proud of her too!

Pass the jug. I got long winded and now I thirst!
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 22, 2014 11:00:31 AM

good idea, geezer. We could call our candy, "The original saltwater hooch candy from Gastonia". Kind of a long name, isn't it? I don't know, we'd have to make the candy about 5" long just to get that name on the wrapper.
Sorry 'bout the chocolate mix-up. Here's a jar of vasoline.
Hey Magpie, congrats on your grand daughter's team's award. Did those flying buttons put an eye out anywhere? My ma always told me not to pop my buttons. Zits, yes, buttons, no.
Time to lift a jug to Charles Taylor. The first aviation mechanic. Cheers!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 22, 2014 7:03:14 AM

Good question, Maggie. What color to paint the outhouse...mebbe brown on the inside. Brown might camouflage the occasional outburst. How 'bout a nice cherry red for the outside? Red is a warning color, of sorts.

I hear ya 'bout wastin' good hooch, BG. We may hafta...hey, wait! I've got it! We can make hooch candy to throw to the crowd!
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 21, 2014 9:00:10 PM

Tonight I raise my jug in honor of my grand-daughter who team place 2nd up in Madison in girls limited softball@! I'm am so proud I had to change my shirt I done burst my buttons boys! Yes geezer I could use the green stuff in the brownies just for you. But I make the best too toll house brownies in the us. before toll house even had theirs! I also use 3 cups of chocolate chips that will give you the energy you will need to paint that out house real purity! So what colors are we using and when do we start the painting, hey BG I have never made gin sing brownies but I never back down from a challenge. Pass the jug all that driving over the week end has given me a thirst! Well all you good ole boys have yerself a great nite and try to behave!
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BGJam
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Message Posted: Jul 21, 2014 11:12:38 AM

Howdy Geezers

Well, Chris, ya opened a can of worms with that exlax ya got for geezer. He sure doesn't need it and now we'll never get the outhouse painted! Thank goodness he finished off all those little pieces of chocolate. Now two days of rumble gut and he'll be as good as new......but we still won't be able to get near the outhouse.

Neil Armstrong had bicycle races on the lunar landscape? I knew the school system was bad but I didn't think they revised that bit of history yet. Oh, well, we can raise a jug to him anyway!

James Garner float.......a good idea, but we wouldn't wanna waste any Miracle Hooch by using squirt guns. That would be alcohol abuse and the Lord knows none of us can abide abusin' alcohol!

Maggie, perhaps you could whip up a batch of ginseng brownies for the Gastonia Day parade. All those spectators would love ya forever!

Pass the jug. I gotta fortify myself for the geezer eruptions!
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geezer
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Message Posted: Jul 21, 2014 7:14:53 AM

Hmmm....a float. Lemme think. When I finish thinkin' I think I'll ponder. Well, we could somehow get a James Garner tribute theme goin' with the float. We could all dress up like characters from Maverick an' get water pistols that look like six shooters an' fill 'em with Miracle Hooch to squirt into the gapin' yaws of bystanders.

OR....we could do sumthin' similar for Neil Armstrong, although I wasn't very happy with him cheatin' in all those bicycle races.

Now, about the outhouse paintin'. Too bad the zombies are encased in concrete, 'cause they'd be perfect for the task.

Hey, look! little pieces of soft chocolate! Mmmmm...these are good. They must be French. Eh Latch, or sumpthin' like that.

Uh oh.
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 21, 2014 5:15:55 AM

I should have made a grocery list... What was I supposed to pick up at the store? Something for magpie's brownies.... Something for geezer? Ex-lax? Yeah, that's it!
Lets raise a jug to Neil Armstrong. Our hero! And say goodbye to James Garner, our cowboy.
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BGJam
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Message Posted: Jul 20, 2014 10:23:59 AM

Good Morning Geezers

geeze, we'll let you paint the inside. I unnerstand there's a new odor mitigating paint that's been developed just for outhouses. I think we oughta procure enough to put two coats on the inside. That should hold it for a while!

Are we gonna have a float in the parade for Gastonia Days? That's comin' up in a couple of weeks and since we're prominent citizens we oughta be represented. Time to put on the ole thinkin' caps and come up with something unique.

Pass the jug. I'm gonna toast Chris with that new batch of Miracle Hooch!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 20, 2014 9:35:11 AM

Brownies?!? Are they the ones with the green flecks in 'em? I like those.

Oh, it's time to repaint the outhouse. Inside AND outside.
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 19, 2014 9:00:49 PM

Why Hello all you moonshine lovers! I hope this finds you all well and healthy. Bg put filters on the windows in the out house in front of those fans and no will have to die or pay any fines when geezer is out there. Geezer I am surprised with you, all that purging you should not be walking still. A little healthy stuff in the hooch and you sound like my youngest grand daughter when she cries! Drink your hooch like a good little man, and I'll make you a pan of Toll House Brownies! Hey Chris while your in town could you pick up a jumbo bag of chocolate chips for me? Snicker Snicker these will be like Alice B Tokless Brownies best ever! Pass the jug its gettin warm in the Kitchen today boys. May you all have a nice evening and remember if you can't up the jug, use your teeth!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 19, 2014 10:33:10 AM

Hi There Geezers

Good thing we put those oversized exhaust fans in the clubhouse when we rebuilt it. They work well under most of geezer's conditions but when he "purges" they are a little inadequate. Perhaps we oughta think about installing a couple of them in the outhouse. The only problem is that the local pollution control authority would cite us for air pollution.

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder letting a contract for exhaust fans!
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 19, 2014 9:55:07 AM

I'm going into town for a few hours, to let the fog lift. :::grabs geezers credit card::: Hee hee. He'll never even miss it in the outhouse. :::grabs Phyllis blow-up doll for the HOV (high occupancy vehicle lane), and an emergency jug of hooch::: I'm all set! Have a good day everybody!

[Edited by: Chris46 at 7/19/2014 9:57:32 AM EST]
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geezer
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Message Posted: Jul 19, 2014 8:34:34 AM

Kohlrabi??? Vitamins??? no wonder we got sick! Ya can't put healthy stuff in hooch - it messes with the very chemistry of that fine elixir.

Gotta go purge it outta my system. Uh, y'all might want to avoid the general vicinity of the outhouse for a few hours.
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 18, 2014 7:36:25 PM

No i don't have all that much time but I filter it to make sure that there are no boweveles or any other bugs in the hooch, hmm maybe thats why geezer got sick, hey geezer did you check your mash! And yes I cook the kolarbi right in the mash but you can eat them raw good source of vitamini's.
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 18, 2014 11:42:23 AM

Good morning geezers and gazetteers.

Magpie, do you cook it first? Mash them? I don't like to eat raw potatoes, but my younger sister did! She couldn't wait for me mum to cook them so she would sneak a slice out of the bowl, whilst (English in me) mum wasn't looking!

We'll have to ration the "fire-water" for geezer! We know the 'German-injun' in him has a ji-low tolerance for alcohol.

BJ, pass geezers share over here to my rocking chair. I'm stuck and I can't get up!

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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 18, 2014 9:45:55 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Now I understand why Maggie's hooch is so gooooood. But ya sure spend a lotta extra time on it, Maggie. geezer's Miracle Hooch is spectacular without all that extra cookin' and filterin', and we don't have ta wait as long to taste it. Mebbe you've got a lotta extra time on yer hands. Some of us are gettin' into our advancin' years and are trying to cram as much in as we can before we depart. Nice job on foolin' those %*%$(##&* revenooers, by the way.

Pass the jug. It's time to start the day's drinkin'!
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geezer
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Message Posted: Jul 18, 2014 9:27:49 AM

Maggie, I was told my grandmother's grandmother was half native. Then about a year ago I found her on one of the census records, and under Country of Birth it said "Germany."

Tainted hooch! That's gotta be it! Okay, who put taint in the hooch? C'mon, fess up. Ve have vays of making you talk. Damn German in me.

Time for a nap.
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 17, 2014 8:55:14 PM

Hi Chris46 that would be kolarabi, its like eating a slice of raw potato only a little spicey! Geezer you would not be native american would you? You know we can not hold our liquer, sounds to me like it was stale or really jacked up to make you dream like they snicker snicker an under cover cop that's a hoot! Hey BG the secret it you run it once and filter it into a big jug, then pour it back in let it cook some more and filter it again for a smooth taste! Hey the wanna be cops were here earlier they were inspecting the place I just laughed and kept saying your gettin closer, oh your on fire, so hot! They got really mad at me one guys veins looked like they were going to pop, they were a little upset with me walked right past the rolls of hay out in the front of the property. One of them said I was a little touched in the head I laughed and yelled out that they were on top of it but they left and never found the hooch. Oh man I laughed so hard I cried pass th jug fellas I have a real thirst going on now! Ha they just rode by the house and they still missed the hooch snicker snicker who's the dummy now?
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 17, 2014 10:04:51 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Yer right, geezer. That's a really scary dream. You musta been drinking some kinda tainted hooch to dream that badly. Now ya know why we demand only the best! MIRACLE HOOCH!!!!!!!! And y'know, Maggie's hooch has never produced those kindsa nightmares, so she must be doin' something right.

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder the science behind dreams!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 17, 2014 9:05:34 AM

Coots, you'll nee to be sittin' for this. I have somethin' to tell ya an' it's gonna be a shock.

All these years we've been at the clubhouse and here on Riff Raft I've been an officer of the law, actin' undercover. That's right - I'm a revenooer. You're all under arrest. I have about 80 fellow cops outside, so you can come quietly, or we can riddle this scow with lead. What'll it be?

:::wakes up in a cold sweat:::

Holy crap! That was a freakin' scary dream. I gotta go get me some Miracle Hooch. I'm tellin' no one 'bout this nightmare.

[Edited by: geezer at 7/17/2014 9:05:58 AM EST]
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 16, 2014 11:22:04 PM

Well, now I've done it! First I lost my teeth and now I've lost my mind! I feel like only half of me is here and the other half ain't talking! Know what I mean Vern? Vern you listening?
I just got a stimulus package in the mail. Addressed to Mr. D. McDuck! Yep that'd be me!
Magpie, I tried growing some Kemosabe one year. Didn't pan out so good.
Pass the hooch BJ it's almost high midnight!
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 16, 2014 8:42:11 PM

Hi there all geezer we need more kolarabi and it grows fast. So we are putting in a second batch! Besides it has a spice to it maybe I'll try a little moonshine on that its healthy. Watch out for those revenoors, don't let them catch you stay clear and only take the shine out of the hay bales when no one else is around. I also have a hollow pickle barrel pickles on the top and the bottom of the barrel is sealed and holding 4 jugs for an emergency if you all need it you know where to go. @#@%$&&*)(_+) darn ole fake wanna be police that couln't make it as a real cop nothing makes my blood boil hotter than a pretend wanna be with a tin badge. Hang in there geezers we can out smart these dim wits if we put our minds to it ,,,pass the jug I have a powerful thirst!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 16, 2014 9:40:35 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Thanx Maggie. Never can tell when thirstration will set in, and emergency supplies are necessary to mitigate it. Now that we know where to look our minds are more at ease!

So that #@!&%$&*(((#%^$@&(%@#!^%#&^$ revenooer wants us ta feel sorry for him, huh? Sounds like more bureaucratic schemin' to me. We oughta tar and feather him and ride him outa town on a rail. Mayhaps we're gettin' too good at concealin' our activities!! Accolades to all you innovative Geezers!!!!!

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder innovation!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 16, 2014 8:55:15 AM

BG, I think I caught a shark! No, it's a duck. What the...it's Chris! What are you doin' in the river, you daffy bird?
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 16, 2014 8:51:15 AM

Maggie, you're putting in the crops in mid July in Milwaulkee? What are you growin'?

Well coots, a revenooer stopped by the clubhouse to see if we were okay. He said if things don't pick up he might get laid off. Anybody feel sorry for him?
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 15, 2014 3:40:24 PM

Hey Bj and chris I hid the shine in a bale of hey,just pull the plug in the middle and the cover will be out and there are two jugs there. Howdy chris I would like to say that I was taller but the truth is I quit growing by the time I hit first grade. A little over 5ft. but I'll probable be like those little old Ladies sitting on a peddle and can't see over my steering wheel snicker snicker! My wise guy daughter says not to worry she will put wooded blocks on the peddles for me, she's out of the will and I'm drinking up her shine! Guys have a wonderful day! LOL
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 15, 2014 1:15:41 PM

Good Afternoon Geezers!

Nope, geezer, no fishin' poles on Riff Raft. If we feel like dinin' aboard we stop at a Deli and pick up ready to eat foods. We just cain't abide cookin' when we're out there relaxin'! And that's all we do on Riff Raft (unless you consider frantic drinkin' less than relaxin').

Welcome Trucky! Hey, the hurrier I go the behinder I get! Chris has the right idea......just drink yerself into yesterday.

Stop by when ya can, Maggie. But supportin' yer granddaughter is more important. It's a shame, though, that ya didn't leave a couple of jugs of yer special nectar here whilst yer out cheerleading. We'd have kept it safe and in good company!

Pass the jug. It's time to sample hooch with Chris!
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 15, 2014 12:26:21 PM

Trucky, sit a spell and have a pull on this hooch jug. You'll be so far behind, you'll be in yesterday again!
Magpie, I suspect you used to be taller like the rest of us. We've shrank over the years. Gravity, or just lack of use like some of us geezers. Anyway, I'm going overboard to hook an old show on geezers hook. Great fun! :::Splash:::
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 15, 2014 12:06:10 PM

Hey how ya all doing?? Sorry about not being here for a while but my grand-daughter is in select baseball (her first year) she is first base girl and relief pitcher. So I had to put the shine away and be the cheer leader grandma! Not a hard job she has quite and arm, and when she connects she knocks it out of the park. Well she is only 11 years old, but she is taller then I'am. 5"2 well my generation is not that tall but my baby girl is 5'7 and my grand babies are shooting up like crazy! So the garden is almost finished and the plants are ready to go in. Manure is in and mixed, and my hands are washed! So after next weekend ( tournaments for baseball) I will be ready for any riff raft parties. Hooch is fine and hidden and will be aged to a fine perfection. Smores sounds great and how about the toll house brownies!
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Trucky3212
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Message Posted: Jul 15, 2014 9:07:01 AM

Got nothin' to do today, and I'm already behind!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 15, 2014 9:02:02 AM

BG, you got any fishin' poles on Riff Raft? We can drift downstream an' catch dinner.
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 14, 2014 10:47:14 AM

I see Magpie is up to her knees in poo..., so I'll just make my own Smores, thank you. BTW, I can pick a lock or my bill (ducks got no teeth), but I've never been known for my banjo pickin'.
Magpie, make sure your fingers aren't gooey. We don't want you blowing yourself up.
Pass the fire-water, its close enough to noon!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 14, 2014 8:31:43 AM

Sounds like a great plan, Maggie. We'll have a hoedown! Can anyone here pick a banjo?
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magpie2013
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Message Posted: Jul 13, 2014 12:56:34 PM

I have the hooch, and graham crackers, also have pie makers and the filling too! Hot apple pie with apple and cinnamon hooch anybody. Too young for a rocker and I don't like the saying "In my day" no one else care unless its an idea of how to make or fix something. But a nice day to relax and just eat and drink a little home brew sounds nice! Right now I have been working on my mothers garden, put in 354 brick and caps and 1600 pounds of top soil mixed with peat and manure and new plants! Have also removed too smaller stumps replaced some of the grass. And now Mom says she would like a deck, I need a rest love you mom. Geezer how does it sound if I bring out the bi-colored sweet corn, and taters, you bring the hot dogs and I'll cook-er up for us all! For desert we can have owe gowey grahams,chocolate and marshmallow! And later we can have some hooch and throw off some fire-works!
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 13, 2014 12:30:05 PM

I've got the marshmallows and chocolate bars. Who's got the graham crackers?
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Jul 13, 2014 8:51:39 AM

I'm bored. Is it okay of we cook hot dogs over the burning rockers?
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Chris46
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Message Posted: Jul 12, 2014 11:48:05 PM

:::lights the back burner:::
Look at the pretty blue flames those rocking chairs make!
Zzzzzzzzzz
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 12, 2014 8:19:27 PM

Hi Geezers

Ah, Maggie, come out on Riff Raft and enjoy the serenity of the river! It's as good as, or better than any rocking chair, and we can sample any flavor of hooch without worries from the gun squad. Though I'm gettin' up there, geezer, I'm still too young to be discussin' prostates or memories from childhood. I've only been retired for 14 years and I've got an awful lotta livin' to do, so the rockin' chairs will have to be set on the back burner.

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder my retirement!
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magpie2013
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Joined:Apr 2013
Message Posted: Jul 12, 2014 12:26:54 PM

No silly I am not ready for a rocking chair and we don't even own one. Just don't want to draw too much attention from the police, no tickets and you have to put out spotters so what you'r doing you don't get caught dude! Besides I love a good party especially if we have the home brew and the cooker going and every body is happy! I don't look for trouble but it does find me sometimes!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

Posts:23,789
Points:3,518,635
Joined:Apr 2003
Message Posted: Jul 12, 2014 7:47:38 AM

Well, as long as we have soup, okay then. Should we get rockin' chairs and talk about prostates, our childhood dogs, an' stuff like that?

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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

Posts:3,159
Points:132,495
Joined:Apr 2013
Message Posted: Jul 11, 2014 8:49:59 PM

Oh we don't need speed, we need to relax share the shine and enjoy each others company. Who needs speed when you have the shine lol!:)
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

Posts:10,403
Points:1,911,175
Joined:Jan 2009
Message Posted: Jul 11, 2014 10:20:34 AM

Howdy Geezers

But, geeze, I don't wanna go fast. I really like the slow, leisurely cruising on Riff Raft. Heck, I get to see all the birds and animals, and let nature just wash over me. It's a getaway from today's frantic world and I don't want the stress that high speed brings. 'sides, the revenooers don't look twice at an old slow boat, and no matter how fast yer boat can go you just can't outrun their radio. Also, when we're going slow, we can see and avoid any debris in the river. Hittin' some of those floating logs at high speed does major damage to boats. I've seen others do that and I don't care to join their ranks.

Still hearin' fireworks most of these evenings. But at least it doesn't sound like sustained firefights like around the 4th. Hopefully those fireworks will get used up and we'll have some peace and quiet around this clubhouse........at least until we figger out another scheme to hatch!

Since yer so sensative, geeze, I will gently say NNNNOOOO to those money raisin' plans yer hatchin'. I'm trying to spend down the kids' inheritance, but I just don't want to do it all at once. I figger if I die with about $.34 to my name I'll have been successful. I just don't wanna be any richer than I am now.

Pass the jug. I think I'll drink up some of the kids' inheritance!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

Posts:35,984
Points:2,523,320
Joined:Sep 2005
Message Posted: Jul 11, 2014 9:20:45 AM

Sounds like a bunch of mad scientists in here! Modify this and modify that. Just don't modify the hooch! I like it just as it is. (self-checks self out to make sure I still have my nummy).
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