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cheapmonkee
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Portland

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Message Posted: Jul 5, 2005 9:30:10 PM

Welcome to the club. Even you young pups can stop on by as long as you mind your manners. There may be snow on the roof but there's a fire that ol' diablo would covet in the furnace so watch out!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Mar 1, 2015 10:37:30 AM

::snow::
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Mar 1, 2015 8:28:01 AM

::crickets::
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 28, 2015 1:24:28 PM

Hey, who cleaned my span??? BG, I think they're all on vacation. time to start recruitin' again, I guess. Let's try that new fangled thing. I think they call it the interweb or sumpthin'.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 28, 2015 10:15:59 AM

Howdy Geezers

The crowd seems to be kinda thin in this old clubhouse. What's wrong, Coots? Cain't ya stand a spic and span clubhouse?

Pass the jug. I'm gonna drink to cleanliness!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 27, 2015 10:36:00 AM

Good Morning Geezers

No, geezer, she won't be here till Monday Mar 9th, their next scheduled visit. However, she said she's excited about the possibility of a long term contract and she'll be leading the Merry Maids cleaning crew. Her name is Berth Bigbody and she says she's known around the office as Big Bertha. She also said she refuses to wear those cute little costumes as the dainty little skirts expose too much underwear. I asked her for references and she told me to contact the barkeep in the Gasbuddy's Corner Bar. I figger I've done enuf work on this so perhaps you could check with him. I heard yer a regular there and know him personally.

Pass the jug. I gotta recuperate from all this administrative work!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 27, 2015 9:25:33 AM

Is she here yet?
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 26, 2015 4:15:48 PM

An X-rated Canadian channel? Who wants to see nekkid hockey players???

Hooch we've got, BG. Invite her over. Wait, she might be a revenooer in Merry Maid disguise. We hafta check her out.
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 26, 2015 10:17:43 AM

Boy, boys! This is getting out of hand! I mean, the next thing you know the maids tell their buddys at the local cable company, and then we'll have them pestering us to install all the latest gadgets, like 24 hour movie and sports channels, maybe an X rated Canadian channel?! Prolly cost us $200/month!.... UNLESS... (mind ticking)... Say..., I wonder if they would like to barter for hooch??... I kind of like sports! We'd better step up production! Pass it BJ, I've done talked myself dry!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 26, 2015 9:58:05 AM

Howdy Geezers

Oh, yer such a romantic, geezer! Those costumes made the Merry Maids look dainty and you were fantasizing every time they bent over a bit. But they did a great job and the price was right! I just got a call from the director of the Merry Maids and she wants to set up a weekly cleaning session and she wants to come over as part of the team. Can we afford two jugs a week to keep the place spotless?

Pass the jug. I gotta look at this proposal from all angles!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 26, 2015 9:13:40 AM

BG, I liked those cute maids costumes they wore, too, only I can't remember why.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 10:08:28 AM

Howdy Geezers

They (The Merry Maids) were thrilled with the jug of Miracle Hooch I had waitin' for them and agreed to shine up the place for that, and one additional jug. The place looks pretty good for only two jugs, huh? Heck at this rate we could afford to have them come back and clean up the place once a month!

Pass the jug. I think we may have hit on a cleanup solution!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 9:19:00 AM

Chris, did you see Maggie at Mo's? JJ? Drunkhabib? Izzy? Hmmm....mebbe they were all abducted by aliens! D'ya think there's a mother ship up there with a bunch of our club members in it?

Merry Maids would be a nice addition to the place, BG, but how are we gonna afford them?
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 25, 2015 12:14:09 AM

Is the coast clear? I was by earlier and all I seen was asses and elbow, so I hung out at Mo's bar and grill. Their hooch can't hold a candle to the Miracle hooch though, so I'm back! Boy, this place is spotless! BJ, pass a napkin with that jug. I wouldn't want to leave a ring on the table!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 24, 2015 9:21:44 AM

Hello Y'all Geezers

Didn't we hire Merry Maids to do our Spring cleaning? Seems to me they gave us a really good deal 'cause we're such loveable old coots, and they really liked hangin' around here. <<<I wonder if the Miracle Hooch had anything to do with that>>> If I 'member correctly we plied them with hooch whilst on the job and the price kept coming down. I guess that's why we call it "Miracle" Hooch.

Pass the jug. I'm gonna contemplate those Merry Maids comin' back!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 24, 2015 8:52:12 AM

Sheesh, I mention cleaning and everybody disappears.
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 23, 2015 10:09:20 AM

Well, nuthin' much to do around the clubhouse, so whadya say we get a head start on spring cleanin'? We haven't been up in the ballroom, a.k.a. attic, in a long time. Shall we mosey on up there an' investigate?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 23, 2015 9:49:46 AM

Good Morning Geezers

I shudder whenever I hear that latex glove snapping. Miracle Hooch does a pretty good job of reducin' the shudders, so that's my excuse for drinkin' an' I'm stickin' to it! Thanx, geezer, for fillin' up the bail fund. Hopefully, we won't haveta dip into it any time soon. I wonder if Maggie is off visitin' JJ? Oh, Well, we'll just carry on without them! But I sure liked those ladies.....they added a lotta class to this clubhouse!

Pass the jug. Chris and I are gonna do some ponderin'!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 22, 2015 8:55:08 AM

Chris, that's a phrase I hate to hear at the doctor's office. First it's "time for a lubrication!" followed closely by the snap of a latex glove.
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 7:10:15 PM

Maggie is the hooch recipe girl. Who knows where the heck she is! I miss the riff raft! Couldn't we park it in the Everglades over the Winter up north? What's a few 'gators? Glad we had 5" of snow last night. Now we don't haveta take out the trash!
Pass it, BJ. Time for a lubrication!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 21, 2015 8:41:07 AM

Well, the bail fund is now full. That pretty much wipes out our thousands, so we still need ways to up our revenues.

In the meantime, we're gettin' low on Miracle Hooch an' it's time we came up with a few new recipes.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 20, 2015 11:30:05 AM

Good Friday Morning Geezers

Well, I'd suggest that we use at least half of it for a bail money fund, geezer. Some of these adventures are approaching the wild side and ya gotta remember that those revenooers are still on our case. It's like a multiple pronged attack on our freedoms with all the Feds, State, County and local LEOs scrutinizin' us. We've been pretty fortunate so far, but I'm bettin' our luck cain't hold out forever and we may need a robust bail fund. I think JJ went underground because of all govn't scrutiny.

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder all these events!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 20, 2015 9:12:34 AM

C'mon now, BG. We didn't do anythin' illegal. Heck, the N'Arlin tree huggers are really to blame. I bet they go back to plastic for next year. Anyhoo, we need to clear out space for our next money makin' endeavor.

So, now that we're thousandaires, what are we gonna do with our newly acquired wealth?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 19, 2015 11:50:48 AM

Howdy Geezers

I really hope this passes us by. Mebbe we just oughta bury the machine in the Grand Canyon. OOPS.....cancel that idea, the Grand Canyon is crawling with all kinds of observers, both legal and not so legal. Mebbe dropping it into the ocean off the continental shelf might work. Well, with all the up graded broadband radars, that most likely wouldn't work. Jeez, geezer, pull that ad before someone sees it!!! They could be swarming around here like bees around a hive.

Pass the jug. I gotta get lubricated before these fireworks start!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 19, 2015 9:11:40 AM

For Sale: A Beady 300 bead making machine. Excellent condition. Includes all supplies except bead material. $350. Call this burner phone and ask for Louie. (366) 248-0901.
Chris46
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Message Posted: Feb 19, 2015 8:37:53 AM

Another fine mess we got on our hands! We'd better lay low, like my uncle Louis used to say. (I love gangster talk). You'll never take me, you dirty rats, cats and elephants! Sniff! SNIFF!! Whoa, I must have stepped in it! Where did the elephants come from? Pass the jug, BJ, I got to desensitize my sniffer!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 18, 2015 12:53:38 PM

Howdy Geezers

I hope ya didn't give them yer contact information, geezer. We could have all kinds of irate people looking over our operation here at the OGC, and that might be a disaster. We'd better hide all the miracle hooch in the basement tunnels and pretend we're just harmless old duffers.

Pass the jug. I'm gonna start practicin' what I preach!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 18, 2015 9:01:18 AM

Wow, what a great Mardi Gras parade! See, they're throwin' our beads! An look, those girls are liftin' their shir....dang it cameraman, keep your lens on the young ladies! What's that, birds? Hundreds of birds attackin' the floats?!? What the...hey, rats, rabbits, mice, dogs an' cats are rushin' onto the parade route!

Uh oh, it looks like they're after our edible beads. Run, people, run! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the carnage! Oh, here come alligators to attack the rats, rabbits, dogs an' cats! RUUUUUNNNNNN!!!

Screamin' people tryin' to get away. A gator just took down a float coverd in rats. A news van just got tipped over. Floats are goin' up in flames! The French Quarter is in shambles. Uh, I think it's time for us to take a vacation.

South Pole, anyone?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 17, 2015 9:59:13 AM

Howdy Geezers

Yup, it oughta be a good parade, but the clubhouse TV has been showin' a lotta snow and poor picture lately. Do ya think we oughta consider one of those new color TVs that everyone seems ta be ravin' about?

Pass the jug. I'm gonna try to pick out the parade on this old black and white!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 17, 2015 9:27:23 AM

The big parade is upon us, coots. fire up that TV and sit back an' enjoy watchin' the fruits of our labors. Uh, pass me that jug of fruits, will ya? Ooh, this is gonna be good!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 16, 2015 10:53:56 AM

Just back from my final delivery to N'arlins. Like I said, we're now thousandaires an' I can't wait to see our beads on TV.

Anybody seen Maggie? Mebbe she went to visit JustJoycie.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 16, 2015 10:32:35 AM

Good Monday Morning Geezers

Another great start to a new week! (I say that to myself every Monday) What adventures will this week bring, since the Christian world begins lent on Wednesday?
I'm kinda glad I'll miss Mardi Gras in N'Alins cause I'm not sure my old ticker could take all that stimulation today and tomorrow. So.......

Pass the jug. I'll just enjoy life here in the clubhouse!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 15, 2015 10:55:11 AM

Howdy Geezers

Who cain't hear??? And what cain't we hear. We're all grown up now and we're allowed to listen to anything. Well, with that being said, I gotta ask ya to tone it down a bit, Chris. My tinnitus is kickin' up again and when ya shout it sounds kinda garbled. Ballentines Miracle Hooch, huh? I might like to try some of that.

Pass that new jug. My heart cockles need warmin' up!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 15, 2015 10:43:26 AM

Sorry for your hearing loss. I said SORRY FOR YOUR HEARING LOSS!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 15, 2015 9:12:07 AM

Valentine's Day didn't work out too well here. My hearin' ain't what it used to be, so I thought it was Ballantine's Day an' I searched high and low before I found Ballantine beer to give my honey. Lemme say she weren't too pleased. Well, not pleased at all. "That stuff is horrible, you old coot! Where's my dang flowers an' candy?"
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 14, 2015 12:26:28 PM

Hey geezers and geezerettes! I've made a batch of Valentine's Day hooch! One swig, and it'll warm the cockles of your heart!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 14, 2015 12:03:19 PM

Greetings Y'all Geezers

::::a little southern drawl, so geezer feels right at home down there::::

I heard ya got a smart phone, geezer. Take some pictures with it to bring back with you. And don't go gettin' yerself thrown into the hoosegow. Our clubhouse bail fund is kinda slim right now.

Pass the jug. Might as well stay warm till geezer gets back with the flics!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 14, 2015 11:07:47 AM

Greetins' from N'Arlins! Wow, you should see all the floats they're gettin' ready. They give me some ideas for the next time we need to build one.
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 13, 2015 10:28:03 AM

That wasn't me, BG an' I75. Yeah, he kinda looks like me...well, he looks like all of us, except Maggie, but that was my second cousin, twice removed. After the second time he was removed they shipped him off to Pencil-vainy.

Time for another shipment to N'Arlins. Anybody wanna ride along?
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 13, 2015 9:50:41 AM

Howdy Geezers

I75 let the cat outa the bag, geezer. I think ya oughta run around wearin' yer tights and cape and quit pretendin' to be some harmless old coot. Stopping off on yer way to N'alins to help capture that neer-do-well was really great! Congrats on a job well done! Now I'm wonderin' if that hand full of twentys was reward money or did those southern folks really love the beads. Either way, the machine has been workin' overtime and we have an awful lotta beads to distribute.

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder these goins'-on!
I75at7AM
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 13, 2015 9:15:10 AM

Hey, where'd everybuddy go? The amusement park?

Meanwhile, over in Penn-sly-vania, geezer makes a take-down to earn the Good Citizen Of The Day Award!

I'm gonne go back to hiding under the bed now. Friday the 13th just freaks me out!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 12, 2015 9:28:50 AM

::whoosh...clank::

I'm back, an' Here's a fist full of twenties! Yup, those N'Arlins folks loved the beads 'an said bring all we can before the big parade, so keep the machine runnin'.

Chris, they don't make edible panties any more, but look what they make now! Here's a family size box of Edible Ten Day Turtleneck Depends! Look at all the different flavors - Spinster's Delight (dried cherries); Fifty Shades of Gray (crumbly chocolate logs)...aw, you look through. I don't want to ruin the surprise.

BG, I flew over Coney Island and guess what?! They're buildin' a new Ferris wheel an' this one has a missle attached to each gondola. Oughta be a fun ride.

Now where has Maggie gone off to again? I got her sumpthin' special, too.

[Edited by: geezer at 2/12/2015 9:29:05 AM EST]
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 11, 2015 11:13:31 PM

And then he was gone in a flash... I hope he doesn't bring back anyone still belonging to those edible panties. My heart couldn't take it. But hooch helps... Pass it, BJ. I'll help you do some 'membering together.
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 11, 2015 9:06:46 AM

Yeah Chris, but candy beads just ain't "hip" enuff for them celebraters. Our beads look just like the ones they're used to. Well, away I go. See y'all in a few days. Mebbe I'll pick up some of those edible panties for ya while I'm down in N'Arlins, BG.

::whoosh::
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 11, 2015 1:23:45 AM

Howdy Geezers

I remember edible panties from back in my college days.

Pass the jug. I got some rememberin' to do!
Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Feb 10, 2015 12:01:42 PM

Didn't they have edible beads on an elastic necklace years ago? Smarties? Dummies? I dunno, lets have a gulp of hooch, and ponder the possibilities!
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 10, 2015 9:37:12 AM

Howdy Geezers

Have ya considered puttin' some of those big earnings into the clubhouse bail money fund, geezer? Think about it........ Also, ya might utilize the cloaking device while yer near Coney Island. There are a lotta people still tryin to solve that last puzzle and they're looking at everything!

Pass the jug. I'm gonna sit back and observe!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 10, 2015 9:30:33 AM

Not to worry, BG. Well, wonderTub is loaded up with the first shipment 'an I'm off to N'Arlins. We're gonna make some big bucks on this one!

I think I'll fly over Coney Island to see what they're doin' to make up for that missin' Ferris wheel.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 9, 2015 9:42:20 AM

Good Morning Geezers!

Gee, I've got this impending sense of doom. I think I'll just haveta hibernate in the still house till y'all get through this new adventure!

Pass the jug. I gotta anesthetisize my shakey nerves!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 9, 2015 6:48:55 AM

Too late, BG. If you peek out the gun port on the south side you'll see the machinery already up 'an runnin' out in the tractor shed. We got mebbe 5,000 string of beads already made. 'An if you look over by the corn crib you'll see Boy Scout Troop 1016 spray paintin' those new beads.

By tomorrow we'll have enough for the first shipment.
BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Feb 8, 2015 10:40:58 AM

Howdy Geezers

I've noted, on numerous occasions, that machines that aren't set up correctly are pretty dangerous. I don't know anything about machines set up for this application or these materials, so, unless any of you do, I suggest we put a hold on this idea until we can do it right. There have other times when we've rushed into things with untimely results (I'm being generous) and I figger I've been burned enuf that I don't wanna repeat it. I vote we hold off till next year on the production of those beads, and just go observe the goins' on.

Pass the jug. I gotta do more ponderin'!
geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Feb 8, 2015 8:40:48 AM

That's a great idea, Chris, 'an it fits right in with my big Mardi Gras money maker.

Seems the good people of N'Arlins are concerned about those plastic beads thrown out to bare breasted wimmen, 'an they're threatenin' to outlaw the practice. from what they're sayin' the beads are chokin' up the sewer system 'an chokin' all the birds 'an other critters that think the beads are food.

So, I was on the throne thinkin' about how I could save mankind - 'an them bare breasted wimmen in particular - when it hit me. Biodegradable 'an edible beads! Heck, problem solved. All we gotta do is come up with a substance that's both edible 'an biodegradable. Then it hit me again - we have that magical substance right here at the clubhouse - spent wort from the hooch shed. Heck, we have a lot of that stuff, 'an we know the critters like it, so why not make it into beads?

Brilliant, eh? now, I know the company that made the beads for our failed parade idea is outta business, so we should be able to get their machinery pretty cheap. all we gotta do is bring it here 'an go into production. whatchya think?

The only problem is that the parade is next week, so we gotta move fast on this. are we all in? We'll make thousands while savin' a N'Arlins tradition.
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