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cheapmonkee

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Portland

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Message Posted: Jul 5, 2005 9:30:10 PM

Welcome to the club. Even you young pups can stop on by as long as you mind your manners. There may be snow on the roof but there's a fire that ol' diablo would covet in the furnace so watch out!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 21, 2014 9:43:39 AM

Now now geezer, don't go getting melancholy on us just because DH, DD, JJ, Izzy, Maggie, Phyllis, Sister Suzie, Brother John, Martin Luther, Phil And Don, Brother Michael, Auntie Gin, the zombies have left us. We still love ya.
Maybe its time to hang a sign out the clubhouse door. "Free Hooch to the first 50 new members".
(BJ, hide the hooch, I don't want geezer to do anything stupid).
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 21, 2014 9:25:36 AM

Howdy Geezers

C'mon, geezer, you know yer always welcome on Riff Raft, no matter who else is along! Heck, ya might even meet someone ya like. My new guests included an 86 year old banjo player, his son-in-law and 14 year old grandson. We had a great time seeing wildlife and birds, river traffic including barges, towboats (both harbor tows and line boats) and excursion boats and barge loading with grain at the ADM mill. A very full 3 hours! They were quite appreciative of a well stocked fridge and liquor cabinet! We had a wonderful cruise.

Pass the jug. It's time to start this new day!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 21, 2014 9:11:20 AM

Sure, don't invite us, your long time friends. *sniff* We'll be here at the clubhouse, makin' hooch and wonderin' who's drinkin' it.
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 20, 2014 9:24:34 AM

Howdy Geezers

Gonna take Riff Raft out with several newbies this AM. The combination of Miracle Hooch and snoopy revenooers oughta make for excitement! We'll see how it all comes to pass.

Pass the jug. I gotta get primed for a new adventure!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 19, 2014 9:46:11 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Nope, Chris, no ice bucket challenge. We don't do "idiocy of the day" crap just because others think it's cute. geezer, the parade float came off real easy. We hosed it down and all the soft stuff just washed away. The bigger parts we threw into the revenooers "lurking lanes" as we passed and crossed them. Took a couple of days, but it's removed and may actually slow down the revenooers when they start gettin' uppity again.

Pass the jug. It's time to salute the new day!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 19, 2014 9:05:15 AM

Chris! Your dog is humping my leg! Get of me, you mangy mutt!

BG, how'd you get the parade float off Riff Raft's poop deck?
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 18, 2014 11:21:18 AM

Good morning, geezers. Chris is indisposed at the moment, so I'm posting in his absence. I'm "Henry the 8th" (hound dog), a good friend of the McDuck family.

BJ, be careful who you let on the riff-raft. Those goberment people can gum up the works real fast. Are you going to have an "Ice Bucket Challenge"?

I hear Lady Gaga is.
:::crickets chirping:::

Pass the hooch, quick! Chris just pulled the chain!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 18, 2014 10:07:54 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Fire up the Aux still, also, geezer. I need to lay in a big supply of Miracle Hooch on Riff Raft. I'm plannin' to get some Gasbuddies out for a river cruise and I've heard rumors that they like to imbibe. They'll be carefully screened so no steenking revenooers can slip in amongst them and upset our operation.

Haven't seen Maggie for a couple of days. I hope she didn't have a relapse and head back to the quack (sorry Chris) house for more doctorin'

Pass the jug. I gotta get my head right!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 18, 2014 8:11:07 AM

That squirrel must've died a horrible death, but look, it has a huge smile on it's dead little face. Oh well, fire up the still!!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 17, 2014 6:36:24 PM

No I did not see the show. Remember, we only have a 50 year old antenna up on the roof? Where were you? Probably over at Phyllis' house!

I'll volunteer geezer.
:::straps on specially designed mask and snorkel for ducks, made by the duck brothers:::
:::By now, squirrel looks like a dead muskrat. Poor guy. Completely pickled!:::
All done, geezer. Lets run some hooch through to sanitize the pipe.
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 17, 2014 9:05:54 AM

Did you see the show, Chris?

Well, we have a problem with the still. It appears a squirrel got into the mash tank and clogged up the outlet pipe, so unless somebody climbs in there an' pulls it out, we're down for the count! Volunteers?
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 16, 2014 11:03:14 AM

Geezer, that WAS us! I'm sure of a previous life, and yeah, this fits the bill (no pun intended)! This was back in prohibition, and... remember we couldn't get "big AL" to deliver the hooch in time for the parade, because of his cousin, Elliot! Elliot was always throwing a monkey wrench into "big AL's" shenanigans!
Pass the root beer, er ah I mean HOOCH.
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 15, 2014 11:07:45 AM

Good Morning Geezers

What's a History Channel? Is that some kinda perfume? I thought y'all just dabbed a little Miracle Hooch behind yer ears. 'course I recall the time JJ ran outa disodorant and she tried Miracle Hooch in her pits. She sure was popular with coots from near and far!

Pass the jug. I gotta get started with the day!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 15, 2014 8:40:04 AM

Coots, there's a show on the History channel about a group of guys like us! It's called Dark Horse Nation, and this group of guys run a brewery in Michigan have projects and situations that remind me of, well, us.

They're a younger version of us, and they have a heck of a lot more energy and, well, smarts, but they're us.

The episode I watched last night was eerily similar to our recent parade float fiasco. They built a float for the Christmas parade and they wanted to shoot candy to kids along the route. Sound familiar? Instead of shooting the candy out of a horse's butt, they tried to adapt a salt spreader for the purpose. Of course, in true Ol' Geezers Club fashion, it didn't work too well and as the father of the main character said, "Ow! Jesus, I just took two in the nuts!" Instead of hooch, they brewed some root beer for the float, too. A poor substitute, if you ask me.

Catch an episode if you can.
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 14, 2014 11:34:10 AM

Howdy Geezers

So sorry to hear you're under the weather, Maggie,(like Chris says...better than under the ground) but doc geezer's hooch will fix ya up better than all those drugs. Just keep pluggin' away.

Chris, if it's a speeding ticket it don't have ta be fixed. Just ignore it. They hand them out like candy just to keep busy when they ain't got nothin' else to do. Ya don't have ta worry about it till they start handin' out warrents. Keep drinkin' Miracle Hooch and all those legal problems will fade away!

Pass the jug. I'm gonna take Riff Raft out for another cruise and I gotta get ready for it!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 14, 2014 9:14:28 AM

Good morning, Maggie. Rise and shine! That is if the clatter of meds carts clickity clacking down the halls haven't kept you up all night. So glad you were just sick, and not the other alternative we were thinking here at the club, which was you'd gone and joined the French Foreign Legion with JJ and Izzy! Not really GLAD you were sick, mine you, just a figure of speech. Like geezer says, take your meds and hide them in the bed pan, in the drawer next to you and take 2 tablespoons of his Perfect Health Cure-All Hooch® and you'll be as good as you never.... er ah.... EVER were! Shhhhhhh! Here comes the blood suckers again!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 14, 2014 7:02:42 AM

Maggie, sorry you've been afflicted, but you can't blame it on the hooch. Y'know, if you got an ear virus from hooch you're drinkin' it all wrong. Down the throat it goes. Not in the ear.

Now, about that medication they gave ya. Any med that prevent you from drinkin' hooch IS SOME KINDA POISON!! Stop takin' it right away an' take a hard pull on this jug of Doc Geezer's Perfect Health Cure-All Hooch. You'll be back to abnormal, uh, I mean normal, in no time.
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Aug 13, 2014 8:22:34 PM

Okay just one question geezer have you been peddlin bad shine? I spent three days in the hospital and they stuck me and poked so many holes in my arms and finally they said that I had a virus, an upper respiratory and ear infectin virus. Well I thought of geezer right away but i know he would not do that to me or would you! Now I will have to think long and hard and do some investigating. Can't even have any hooch to boot, they say it will mess with the meds I'm on! So whats going on what have I missed hey some body answer I feel so alone. I Have been thinking that I should think about making a new batch hows apple pie shine sound. Oops gotta run time to lay back down again!:) Have a great nite you all!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 13, 2014 8:43:52 AM

Hey, who left a wet whistle on my rockin' chair? Dang near gave myself a prostate check.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 12, 2014 11:55:51 PM

That's fine judge BJ. Have another swig on this here jug.
Say, uh,... I got speeding ticket the other day from some young whippersnapper. You think you can fix it for me?
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 12, 2014 10:48:22 PM

Howdy Geezers

Election judge today. I'm bushed........

Pass the jug. I gotta wet my whistle!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 12, 2014 8:50:24 AM

Hmmmm...I'm not so sure that's the right kind of pod, Chris, but throw it into the mash tank and let's see what happens.

Has anybody tracked down BG yet? I hope he's not with JJ.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 11, 2014 11:27:17 AM

Thanks for the crash course in biology, geezer. Now the question is... How many of these pods do we need for a gallon of hooch?

And after only one crash course in biology, I hope I've brought back the right ones.

:::Selfie of geezer gang cautiously looking at PODS Chris brought back:::

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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 10, 2014 3:36:20 PM

milkweed

Not to be confused with the other weed:

the other weed
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 10, 2014 11:12:44 AM

:::throws more wood on the fire:::
I'm going out for some milkweed!
What's milkweed look like anyway?
:::Gets copy of Euell Gibbons "Stalking the Wild Asparagus" out of backpack:::
Pass the emergency hooch, Geezer. I've got to get in my "stalking" mode!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 10, 2014 8:40:37 AM

Fire up the still! We are NOT gonna have a hooch shortage! I have a new recipe - Milkweed Hooch. It goes down real smooth, and if you drink enough of it Monarch butterflies flutter around your head.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 9, 2014 1:30:20 PM

I never thought BJ would hoard our hooch jugs for the return deposit. It just isn't like him. He's always Jimmin' and jamming', and so carefree. There's what, 30-40 jugs here? Times .30 per jug on the 1 gallon jugs, and .20 per jug on the ½ gallons… That's…:::scratches head, licks pencil point:::… Geezer, where's my calculator? Geezer, you seen my calculator?
Bring out the reserve hooch we was saving for Labor Day! We got us a hooch shortage here!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 9, 2014 8:05:40 AM

What the...? Riff Raft is in BG's garage...hey, it's a big pile of jugs in here. Well, let's load 'em up an' take 'em back to the still. This is strange. Why would BG hoard our jugs?

Alright then, I'll tell Snatch to go on home with his crane. BG'll just have to get the wreckage off Riff Raft himself, I guess.

It sure looks like he has left us, folks. :::wipes away a tear:::
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 8, 2014 8:40:22 AM

Howdy Geezers

I hadda repackage the miracle hooch cause I couldn't ship it all in the jugs. So, geezer, when ya find the jugs in my garage, how 'bout cleanin' the garage for me?

Pass a jug. I'm gonna drink to misdirection and subtrafuge!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 8, 2014 7:29:21 AM

What BG doesn't know is that the hooch jugs have a trackin' device imbedded in them so we can see if any of our competitors have been usin' our jugs for their hooch. All I gotta do is find the trackin' software on my cell phone an' we'll be able to head right on over to Riff Raft. Now, where's that dang phone?
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 8, 2014 12:54:39 AM

Howdy Geezers

Ha!!! You'll never find Riff Raft! And I've laid in a year's supply of Miracle Hooch so good luck!

I'm havin' a blast at our Bluegrass Festival and gettin' in lotsa pickin' and singin'. Great weather, happy people, good food and spectacular bands. Life just dosen't get much better than this!

Pass the jug. I'm drinkin' to happiness!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 8, 2014 12:02:34 AM

BJ might have an extra long straw, sucking that hooch from behind the bushes in his secret hiding place. He's been gone a long time~!
Long time… Long time… Chewy chewy Tootsie Roll® lasts a long time!
Pass that extra hooch jug Geezer, I've gone dry!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 7, 2014 8:39:53 AM

Insurance? We don't need no steenking insurance. After I rescue Maggie I'm gonna cruise around to find Riff Raft. Even if it's well hidden, BG has to come out for hooch sooner or later. Hang by that crane, Snatch.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 6, 2014 10:51:18 AM

Poor Percy, uh, I mean SNATCH! SNATCH!
Geezer, you be careful in the wonder tub. I don't think the insurance is paid up for this month.
BJ, I give up! Where did you hide the rift raft? Or will you have to kill me if you tell me? I'd rather not know. :::Settles down to a long deserved nap with hooch and Pooh bear:::
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 6, 2014 9:10:50 AM

Oh no, I forgot about Maggie. I wonder if she's still on Buddy's back, up in that tree. Better take WonderTub an' go see.

My nephew, Snatch, is here with the crane, but he can't find Riff Raft. Snatch's real name is Percy, but don't call him Percy or you'll find out why he goes by Snatch. My brother, his old man, got into the Miracle Hooch on the night he was born an' insisted on callin' him Percy. Even after his four day hangover ended he didn't know why, an' all the official paperwork was done, so Percy it was.
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 5, 2014 11:00:36 AM

Howdy Geezers

I'll hide Riff Raft in a hidden cove so that machine cain't get near it.

Pass the jug. I gotta get ready to hide Riff Raft!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 5, 2014 9:30:49 AM

Geezer, you sure had me fooled!... Now where's my original copy of CCR?
Anybody heard from Maggie and Buddy? The last I remember, Maggie was riding Buddy down the river, yelling "YEE HAW"!
Pass the hooch BJ, I got to whitewash that memory!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 4, 2014 8:33:43 AM

The Model T is okay. The float is now toothpicks, however, and there's poop all over the poop deck. My nephew's kid is comin' over with a crane this afternoon to clean things up.

Chris, did ya like my cover of CCR?
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 4, 2014 12:43:02 AM

Howdy Geezers

Yep, yer right, geezer, that adventure sounds wonderful. But what shape is Izzy's Model T in? Seems such a shame to waste that classic auto. Ahhhh, perhaps a fund raiser to get it rebuilt! I know we have to lubricate the nut behind the wheel!

Nice arrangement on the song, Chris.

I hope one of you old coots took some video of the happenins at the parade. That would make for great stories and tales down the road.

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder what I missed!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 3, 2014 12:50:27 PM

:::Ice bag on head and a jug of hooch close by:::
Whoo-Wee! Makes you feel young again!
:::cranks up the Victrola, puts on Creedence Clearwater Revival:::
:::Cleaned a lot of plates in Albany
Pumped a lot of pain down in Gastonia
But I never saw the good side of the city
Until I hitched a ride on a rift-raft queen
Rolling, Rolling, Rolling On The River:::
HEY, what the heck! Its a cheap knockoff!!! Who in the world???
GEEZER!!!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 3, 2014 9:30:26 AM

Okay, Coots, here we go. I hooked up this fancy remote Model T driver so we can all ride the float. ::click::

:::The float seamlessly joins the other parade floats. Chris, nattily dressed in a leopard thong, gently tosses water balloons at kids, who love it. Geezer, also nattily festooned in a stars and stripes thong, works Buddy Percheron's candy ejection system. Kids and adults alike scramble for the treats:::

Geezer: This is great! Nice thong, Maggie. The gingham pattern is a great touch.

Chris: Yeah, Mags. Lookin' good!

Maggie: Keep your eyes on what you're doin', fools.Suddenly, the Model T hits a pothole, which throws Geezer off balance and he grabs onto Buddy's tail as the float lurches onto the sidewalk and accelerates.

Geezer: Oh crap! Somebody help!

:::Spectators scramble as the float plows up the sidewalk, knocking over vendor carts. Children scream. Grabbing the tail shook loose the spring restraints in Buddy's tail and hooch candy fires out like from a Gatling gun. Storefront windows shatter. Car windows explode. To keep it short...all hell breaks loose:::

Chris: We gotta vamoose, the cops are comin'!

Geezer: What? No way. The controls are jammed! Hang on!

:::Careening off everything in it's way, the float makes a right turn at State Street and goes downhill toward Whiskey River. About halfway down the float hits the curb and Maggie and Buddy fly off. The float, gathering speed, races toward the water. Chris smiles, 'cause he's a duck and he can swim. Geezer swallows in fear and closes his eyes. The float hits a bollard at the public wharf and gets airborne, tumbling gracefully as it arcs over the river. Finally it lands with a great crash, upside down, on the poop deck of Riff Raft:::

Geezer claws his way out from under the rubble of the wrecked float, looks around and says, "Hey Chris, we're home." Chris waddles out from the wreckage and replies, "Yup. Good fun, eh? Pass the jug."

Headline in the special evening edition of the Gastonia Herald:

HALF NAKED WOMAN RIDING MECHANICAL HORSE IN TREE ON STATE STREET

An' BG missed all the fun.

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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 2, 2014 1:12:47 PM

Good grief geezer! I almost didn't make the start of the parade! I had to change thongs at the last minute. :::throws sackful of water balloons on Buddy Perch's saddle:::
YIPPIE KI YAY!!! Let's get this rodeo started!
Quick! Pass the hooch, I don't want the kiddies to see their favorite cowboy drinking on the job!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 2, 2014 8:54:45 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Hate to tell ya this, geezer, but I've gotta get up to El Rancho Manana to set up handicap camping and parking for our Bluegrass Festival. I sure hope y'all have fun in the parade! ###the thought of all you old farts wearing thongs scares me###

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder the after effects of Geezer floats!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 2, 2014 8:40:27 AM

On the float, people! It's time to go. Nice thong, Chris.

Well, I stayed up all night and got Buddy Perch perfectly adjusted, so between the thongs, water balloons an' the hooch candy, we should be the hit of the parade. BG, are you gonna pull the float with Izzy's Model T?

You might want to put a blanket on the seat 'cause wearin' a thong on those 100 year old cracked leather seats might by um, a sticky situation...
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 1, 2014 11:05:23 PM

Well, okay. Everybody get into your thongs an' grab water balloons!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Aug 1, 2014 10:43:19 AM

Greetings Geezers

Mebbe we oughta scuttle the shooting idea. Heck, the parade's tomorrow and we aren't even close to having this float ready. Mebbe we oughta just pitch water balloons to the throngs and have a piece of hooch candy tied to each one. That way they'd scramble all over each other and we wouldn't be responsible for the resultant carnage. (is our parade insurance paid up?)

Pass the jug. I gotta ponder these ramifications!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Aug 1, 2014 9:51:05 AM

That was a close call! I almost lost my head! :::starts wearing helmet:::
Maybe we could change from shooting candy, to shooting little water balloons?
That would be great fun watching the kiddies getting soaked!
Pass the hooch BJ, I appreciate my head more now.
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Aug 1, 2014 8:25:58 AM

Buddy? Perch's name is now Buddy? Well, I guess that means his full name is Buddy Perch. Raise your tail if you understand, Buddy.

:::Tail goes up and a piece of hooch candy shoots by Chris and imbeds in a tree trunk:::

Dammit, too much pressure.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Jul 31, 2014 11:47:20 PM

Welcome home, BJ. Maybe you can get the tension correct in Buddy's butt.
Meanwhile, pass the hooch. Its almost August!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Jul 31, 2014 12:41:51 PM

Howdy Geezers

Just don't take the spring outa Maggie's step, geezer. I just love watching her bounce around!

Mighty fine Miracle Hooch in the last batch. Ahhhhh, it's good to be home!

Pass the jug. I'm gonna start my enjoyment of home!
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