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Author Topic: ol' geezer's club Back to Topics
cheapmonkee

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Portland

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Message Posted: Jul 5, 2005 9:30:10 PM

Welcome to the club. Even you young pups can stop on by as long as you mind your manners. There may be snow on the roof but there's a fire that ol' diablo would covet in the furnace so watch out!
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MertieMan
Champion Author Lexington

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Message Posted: Sep 30, 2014 5:23:09 AM

My daughter is trying very hard to put my 15 year ol juvenile delinquent grandson off on me to finish raising since she has already polluted his mind and body. Don't most of you think it might be a bit late for an old geezer like me to attempt this endeavor?
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 30, 2014 4:00:18 AM

For your information, coots, Jimmy Driftwood is the fine gentleman who wrote that song. Raise your jugs to ol' Jimmy, rest his soul.
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 29, 2014 9:02:22 PM

Well we got them there revenoers are on the run, eh ha geezer ya should have seen them running thru the briars, slurp and a sip darn this is good GW> whiskey and I don't mind saying so myself pass the jug all around boys this one's on me. Oh oh it looks like the hounds are gonna catch them eyh haw look at those boys run they ought to try out for the Red Neck lympics! pass the jug this is hard work sip sip watching those boys run! wnell they fired their guns and they ain't begun to running mmh mmh Away away away done south in dixie!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 29, 2014 11:19:07 AM

Howdy Geezers

You missed yer calling, geezer. Ya shoulda been a song writer!

Pass the jug. It's time to start a new week's drinkin'!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 29, 2014 8:47:37 AM

At 18:14 I took a little trip,
Down the cellar stairs an landed on my lip.
I puked a little bacon an' I puked a little beans,
an' I got a buncha dust bunnies on my brand new jeans.

Well, I farted twice an' the mice began to runnin'
I belched three times and the roaches took off, too.
One more blast an' the EPA is comin',
So it's time to take my leave an' leave the mess to you.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Sep 28, 2014 2:59:20 PM

Good afternoon geezers. I know from my school days, old George had quite a stash of alkeyhol! This here GW whiskey isn't bad! Must be made out of those cherry trees (well, not the actual trees!) he chopped down! Here's to George! Hip Hip Hoorah!
Ouch, my hip is bothering me.

[Edited by: Chris46 at 9/28/2014 2:59:56 PM EST]
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 28, 2014 10:48:30 AM

Good Morning Geezers

I know I'm old but we had Col Jackson out on Riff Raft and he regaled us with tales of that mighty battle. He did comment, though, that ridin' on a boat sure beat runnin' through the briars and the brambles.

Pass the jug. Here's to Col Jackson!!!
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 27, 2014 6:31:48 PM

Howdy Chris and the grand prize for remembering the song one jug of George Washington whiskey! What a great song! Best part of the song when the gator lost his mind. Pass the jug there is some serious sipping going on, BG 92 octane are racing up the river with the rift? Here take a swig of that, I would only use 92 octane in my 1969 firebird just to let the boys on the track to let them know I'm still here whoo hoo pass the jug! If you aint racing your not living I tell ya sip slurp! Oh they fired their guns and we pass the jug once again please one more sip yeah that passed the test look I can spritz it in between my teeth and lit this stuff on fire, its got to be 180 proof! Have a good afternoon and night!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Sep 27, 2014 3:26:34 PM

Howdy Maggie. I remember it well. It was the summer of '59, and the livin' was easy! Johnny Horton came up with a good one there! I 'specially like when the gator lost his mind!
Pass the jug. I can't let this go to waste powering your riff raft, BJ!
:::In 1814 we took a little trip:::

[Edited by: Chris46 at 9/27/2014 3:29:59 PM EST]
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 27, 2014 11:00:08 AM

Howdy Geezers

Nope, geezer, I'm using 92 octane non oxygenated gas and I cannot introduce any kinda special fuel. Riff Raft is 45 years old and her engine might get a little cranky with any new-fangled fuel. I believe I'll leave things they way they are, <<<<I'm afraid of "Development Teams">>>> and just drink the squeezins.

Pass the jug. I'm gonna go for another river cruise and admire the changing colors!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 27, 2014 9:20:00 AM

BG, our development team has been lookin' into powerin' Riff Raft with all that mash left over from the production process. It has some alcohol in it, an' the solids are flammable, so it's a possibility we can develop free fuel for your journeys. Would you mind if we added a settlin' tank to your hold an' made a few adjustments to Riff's power plant. It'll jes' be for a short test run.
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 26, 2014 10:07:50 AM

Howdy Geezers

I think geezer oughta be a song writer. He certainly comes up with some good lyrics!

Pass the jug. I'm goin' out for another river cruise today and I wanna get warmed up for it!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 26, 2014 9:12:52 AM

Summertime, and the livin' was easy,
Fish were jumpin', and the squeezin's were fine,
We ain't been rich, and the 'nooers were lookin',
So hush, little baby, what you're drinkin' ain't wine....
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 25, 2014 8:47:13 PM

Hello fellow shine lovers, Chris member the song in 1814 we took a little trip along with kernal jackson down the mighty misississp, took a little bacon and we took a little beans well on and on and they ran thru the briars where rabbits couldn't go and on and on. Don't trip on the way to the clubhouse,don't spill your shine and for goodness sakes don't break anything on your person. Awh the old songs are the best! Geezer don't think hard just think misc oh heck think like a teenager sneakin out late at night! Pass the jug I just can't get that song out of my head, its sad when you get that fixated on something its a brain freeze or phart! HI BG how I wish I was down there on the riff in the sunshine , have a slow and steady drift on the rift! Pass the jug I am thirsting something terrible! Geezer have a good night and stop thinking so hard!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 25, 2014 10:09:49 AM

Howdy Geezers

Today's a fine day!!!! I'm gonna take Riff Raft out for a river cruise and try to consume copious quantities of Miracle Hooch!

Pass the jug, Chris. I gotta get ready for a glorious day on the river!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 25, 2014 9:07:08 AM

BG, we used to have a dog at the clubhouse named Snots. Not the same dog, but named after the one Peaches has. I think it might be a pup from Peach's Snot's litter.

Magster, I can't think like a revenooer. Just can't do it. I've tried, but it hurts my brain, and there's precious little brain left to be hurtin'.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Sep 25, 2014 12:11:05 AM

Hey Maggie! I was running back to the clubhouse for slurpy desserts! Oysters-on-the-half-shell. Slurp away! Slurp away! Slurp away, Dixie Land! :::dancing a jig:::
OH, I wish I was in Dixie, Hooray! Hooray! In Dixie Land I'll take my stand to live and die in Dixie. Away, away, away down south in Dixie!
Ahem! Where was I? Pass the jug, BJ. I've got to whet my whistle for round two!
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 24, 2014 11:38:10 AM

Hi there my fellow shine friends, geezer the trick to having a still is you have to think like the revennors! They are wily little smart guys! The apple pie shine has a really good smooth flavor, but if you want something wit a bite and a kick try this, this is George Washingtons secret recipe for whisky! This will put hair on your chest if you over do it. I only test, taste it because I don't want any hair on my chest but I do have a nice thick head of hair. Hmm maybe I should bottle this as hair tonic naw they would not like that . You know down south this is one of the drinks of choice, and it has a good flavor but it will warm your innards on a cold day! Hey Bj hows it going buddy pass the this jug on to bj what ya think of this! Old george knew what he was doing, hey bj awh he ran off with the jug. Man Look at him run, its like watching a a yankee running along the Mississippi river! Whew couldn't catch him geezer he's heading your way, okay here's a jug but I got a feeling you too will just meet up and hunker down and finish the jugs snicker snicker! Hey Chris you might as well join on in your way too quiet oh hers's your jug now pass and sip! Hey Chris where ya going? Oh well now for some more apple pie shine slurp sip!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 24, 2014 9:27:06 AM

Howdy Geezers

Hmmmmm, the dog named snots sounds vaguely familiar. He didn't hang around Maggie's outhouse did he? I think I may have killed off enough brain cells that the memory don't work as well as it used to. Apple pie 'shine, huh? I know that'll throw off the revenooers!

Pass the jug, It's time to sample the nectar of the apples!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 24, 2014 9:13:37 AM

Wow, you've got quite the setup there, Maggifer.

Oh, back to Peaches Bronson. Peaches thought she was a poor floated, but she'd forgotten to take into account her fairly recent development into womanhood. She had a coupla pontoons to hold her up quite nicely 'an she shot over the dam at Pikesville and out into Lake Wobbly. That's the last I saw of her, but I heard she met a nice fella at the lakeside saloon, got married, and now has fourteen kids, three grandkids and a dog named Snots.

Now it's time to go check on the progress in the basement. I hear they've got quite a bit done.
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 23, 2014 9:59:08 PM

Hey bj, one side of of the floor is fake and does not come near the pit. Its not even a real out house and we dug a tunnel running away from the out house so the flow doesn't come near the jugs! See how sneaky I am, I once heard a story about a woman that lived on the border of virginia and carolina and she had her still in her home. When the virginia reveners came around she would push the still to the other side of her house and they couldn't arrest her pretty smart hey! Have to really think about how to cheat them guys though some of them are pretty smart! Oh Chris thank you just what I needed I've got some apple pie shine mash going way in the back smells like apple pie so I had to fire it up way back in the woods! Geezer they ask me to tell them what to do on that show, snicker snicker I'am the outside source they keep talking about. Good stuff slurp sip and oh excuse me what a burp that was well apples and shine have some guys its good! So whats our next move or party thoughts I can bring the apple pie shine and maybe even spend a few bucks for ribs but we will need corn on the cob and some slurp deserts too! How bout it geezer what are your ideas on this hic cup!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Sep 23, 2014 5:46:42 PM

Well, thanky, Maggie for the 'shine'. Here's an apple.
Howdy BJ, I'd be glad to share some peachshine. Watch out for pits thou!
Geezer, now that you got my attension, er atention, ah shoot, INTEREST! What ever happened to Peaches?? Did she eventually show up in Branson, Missouri water supply?
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 23, 2014 9:43:06 AM

Howdy Geezers

We got a business???

Hey, geeze, the spending spree might include refurbishin' the basement after all that concrete is chipped out. We could put a fake outhouse down there to store the extra hooch so we wouldn't have ta run as far to get more when our upstairs supply runs out. And, I hope ya contracted to get those tunnel entrances uncovered so we can use them again. Ahhh, those memories!!

Ya got some great hidin' places for yer 'shine, Maggie, but I hate ta tell ya, those floorboards in the outhouse are the real thing, and what's under 'em ain't pretty.

Pass the jug. Chris and I are gonna check out this peach pit 'shine!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 23, 2014 9:05:24 AM

Mags, have you been watchin' that Moonshiners show again? Them guys are ammeters, er, amoochers, um, rookies.

With all the recent innovations in packagin', we now have a surplus in our bank account!! First time ever! Now, should we plow the profits back into the business, or go on a spendin' spree?
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 22, 2014 7:06:13 PM

Well chris I left that shine for you I knew you would be a little late so I left it out for you. Geezer he had his share and then some. He took off the top of the babies bottle and put it on the jug and he was pretty happy the rest of the night! The party went off without a hitch next time can we have a fish fry too! BG the jugs are in the out house under the fake floor boards so that the reveners can't find it! They have been here before and always pass them up, they think their so smart. Hey they even pass up the hay bales and they never check, the center is cut out and there is about 20 jugs in there too!. Dad burn reveners they have no idea! Besides that there is a secret stash I have never told any one and its GEORGE WASHINGTONS recipe for whiskey that we bring out for special occasions. Its real smooth going down but strong enough to knock your socks off with! Stay healthy my friends pass the jug please thats gooooood stuff!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 22, 2014 8:54:44 AM

Peach shine? I ain't partial to peaches. Well, except for Peaches Bronson, a sweet young thing from my past. I met Peaches at a hoedown up in Porters corners back in '88. You remember '88 - the years of that great blizzard. Anyway, the hoedown was in august, 'an it was a blisterin' hot day, so we moved down to the creek 'an everyone stripped down to their skivvies 'an waded into the creek to cool off. Peaches sliped off a rock 'an into the deep art of the creek 'an started downstream, screamin' "Help! Help! I can't swim, 'an I don't float all that well, either!"

I took off after her, 'an to make a long story short - The End.

Pass the jug.
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Sep 21, 2014 11:02:18 PM

:::opens door and peeks in:::
Whoa! Everybody is crashed out from the party, I'll just take this hooch jug and skedaddle!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Sep 20, 2014 11:46:07 PM

Watch out that stocking don't give out! I would want to see somebody lose an eye. And I don't want to be on maggie's 19th letter of the alphabet list!
Pass the Peachshine!…... It don't have any pits in it, does it?
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 20, 2014 8:19:12 AM

Well, we can use one of Big Sally's stockings to make a new belt. We may have to trim it down a bit, but it'll work. Now, about that neighbor...Will it work if we set it up outside the revenooers' office? We might be able to drive 'em out of the area!
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 19, 2014 8:16:51 PM

howdy geezer it a John Deere tractor and its a x362, the belt came right off of the cranshaft. Now do admit that sometimes I put to the test bur I am usually very kind to her and even wipe her down after I use her. After all she does do a lot of work for met all, its not just mowing the grass you know ticking off the neighbors is also fun. Its the noise i figure one good turn deserves another they let their brats out before 7am, so I put on a real nice muffler on the lawn tractor they magnifies the lawn mower (glass packs)! Snicker snicker I like to fire her up around 5pm and keep going till there is no light because they go to bed about 6-6:30 pm. My guess is they don't like their own loud mouth monsters. Works for me snicker snicker! So if you ever need to get back at a neighbor I'am your girl eeh haw! Now pass the jug son before you make my list haha, hey we been workin on a new batch of peach shine here pass the jug Take care my friends let-rip-tater-chip!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 19, 2014 9:35:51 AM

Howdy Geezers

Maggie don't hide yer jugs in the outhouse. The revenooers look there first. And geezer's right, we gotta get that tractor fixed, just to haul yer jugs around. I snuck a little sample of yer latest brew, Maggie. Yer real competition for geezer's Miracle Hooch! Keep up the good work!!!!

Pass a jug. Chris and I are mighty thirsty!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 19, 2014 9:23:38 AM

No need to hide those jugs, Magatha. Lay 'em out right here on the porch an' we'll empty 'em for ya. No evidence!

Now, before we get too lubricated, let's fix the tractor. What size belt does it take?
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 18, 2014 1:10:35 PM

Geezer been to busy to drool, the dog-gone tractor threw a belt, the tube leading from the toilet tank decided to leak, and then AHH I forgot. But any how you have me confused with some one else! Besides this being the end of summer I bought up as much corn and barley as I could for my mash. Chris was that you I was getting out the rifle on one guy, almost shot his behind off! Howdy bj how the heck are you doing? Well back to work the mash is cooking and I have to fix the toilet so I don't have to use the out house, that's where I hid the jugs! Have a great thursday guy's and watch out for the revenors!:)Its not easy finding hiding places for the jars of hooch have to keep building new hide outs and keep it moving so they don't get to suspect of what I do every day!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 18, 2014 8:56:55 AM

Dang Chris, I thought you were the Fuller Brush man! Good disguise.

Those strappin' high school boys we hired to chip out the basement full of concrete are workin' away, but things are slow because Ethyl, Maggie and Big Sally are down there droolin' over 'em.
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 18, 2014 1:25:18 AM

Howdy Geezers

Ya sure had me fooled, Chris. Here take a pull on this jug, and tell me what ya think of it. It's one of geezer's new blends.

Pass the jug. I gotta ta try some of those new blends also!
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Chris46
Champion Author Dayton

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Message Posted: Sep 18, 2014 12:17:53 AM

:::Takes off fake glasses/mustache and bulbus nose:::
Surprise! Its me! Hee hee. I've been undercover the past week. And here you thought I got nabbed! Nope. Just like a fly on the wall, I've been takin' notes on all the goings and comings. It will make the best seller list.
Young geezer... that's an oxymoron!
Lets eat soup! Pass my teeth when you're done, Ethyl
Have we tried to market some slurpie hooch lately?
In the meantime, I'll slurp some hooch.
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 17, 2014 8:51:58 AM

Fire up the grill an' heat some soup!!

It's time we start chippin' away at the concrete that filled the basement. winter's comin' 'an the furnace is down there. I figure the zombies have all rotted away by now, except maybe Jimmy Hoffa.
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 16, 2014 12:15:41 PM

Well geezer I don't know what you call it but its a John Wayne walk, swagger, when he came at you you knew he meant it! Oh come on I know you can find something to eat, fire up the grill and throw on a hot dog or a burger, get some greens and tear it up and pour some salad dressing on. Then drink your jug with a little somethin and you will still feel good the next day. Pass that jug I'll show you how, what we need here is a little communicatin and get the neighbors going or joining and wholla here comes the food! Hey look geezer got the jug and who's that standing with him never seen her before! Have a wonderful day!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 16, 2014 9:48:27 AM

Good Morning Geezers

Just pass the jug. I believe I'll drink my dinner!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 16, 2014 9:27:54 AM

That ain't a John Wayne swagger, Mags. That geezer's Ten Day Turtleneck Depend needs to be emptied.
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 15, 2014 4:33:43 PM

The dinner bell is ringing and you should see the old geezers lined up like its a race, I'm bettin on the couple in the look-a-like jogging suits. Of course the one geezer with the jug is starting to motor too as long as he can keep up his John WAYNE walk snicker maybe its my shine that's making me see crooked!LOL
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 15, 2014 9:23:29 AM

Howdy Coots

Good one, geezer, but ya coulda held it a little longer.

Pass the jug. I gotta conjure up some gas!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 15, 2014 8:51:28 AM

Dinner? Did I hear dinner? Gotta be soup with dinner!

We should turn this clubhouse into a Bed an' Breakfarts.

BBBBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 14, 2014 1:10:20 PM

Young geezers old geezers whats the difference as long as they still call ya for dinner! Pass the jug i'am a little thirsty and the packers are playing today!:)
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 14, 2014 12:58:58 PM

Hi There Geezers

Young Geezers??????? Those two words are opposites, aren't they? We could go over to the Gastonia retirement home and see if there are any there.

Pass the jug. Young geezers, indeed!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 13, 2014 8:45:15 PM

Jetta, is there such a thing as a young geezer?
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Jetta_Pilot
Champion Author Toronto

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Message Posted: Sep 13, 2014 6:32:13 PM

Yup ya know when you're an old geezer and you are in the metallic age!.

There is silver on the roof,
Gold in your mouth
and
Lead in your pencil
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magpie2013
Champion Author Milwaukee

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Message Posted: Sep 13, 2014 2:04:51 PM

See I knew that there was something missing, so I'll think on it some more. He geezer the room is spinning way to fast slower please. I never play spin the bottle alone where's the fun in that? He instead of a lemonade stand how about a hooch stand. As soon as we spot them we give them lemonade. Snicker snicker hey no drinking on the job where is our profits going cheese it its the cops! Slurp sip and ah nuts its empty geezer where the jug dog gone it! Hey I found a jug!
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BGJam
Champion Author Twin Cities

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Message Posted: Sep 13, 2014 8:14:28 AM

Howdy Geezers

Maggie those old machines are now collector's items and modifyin' a soda machine to fit our special needs would be prohibitively expensive. I think we oughta sit down and figger out another way to promote our product. And don't ferget those infernal revenooers! They're always sniffin' around tryin' to catch us at something.

Pass the jug. I gotta do some ponderin'!
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geezer
Champion Author Albany

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Message Posted: Sep 13, 2014 8:06:04 AM

How 'bout this for an advertisin' idear? "Work Slurp - Jes' Dew it!"

Maggifer, are you playin' Spin-the-Bottle solo? Cain't be too excitin'. Here, take a few pulls on this jug an' play Spin-the-Room instead.
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